Last month I had to do what we ALL dread. The worst possible thing EVER!! You guessed it; I had to put on a bathing suit.
Ok, so perchance there are ghastlier things, but is there indeed anything worse
for your self-confidence or self-worth?
Ladies, I think NOT! I know, I
know, you must think I’m so shallow, petty and one-dimensional. How could I worry about such a superficial
thing? I know there are substantial problems
for humankind, but self-esteem can be shattered that first time we have to put
on the swimsuit. It’s really a big deal. We spend the majority of the winter months
bundling up. If you are like me, we devote
very little time looking; I mean really observing our bodies in the winter. When we are forced into our bathing suits we
have no choice but to scrutinize. So let
me tell you what I spotted when I put on my suit; my belly bulge (a few too
many Christmas cookies, perhaps), white ashen dry skin (the sun hasn’t shined
here in months and the air is so dry, it has a cough), cellulite thighs (my
chub rub – you know the parts of the inside of the legs that chaff when you
walk), thick deep stretch marks on my belly (thank you pregnancy), loads of FAT
(that plump, pudgy stuff that shows up when you forgot to exercise) and wrinkles
and sagging (I’m not getting any younger).
You heard me right; there was nothing positive in what I witnessed. Don’t judge me; I’m sure I’m not alone in
this self-confidence melee.
Subsequently spending voluminous hours people watching, at
an indoor water park, I began thinking I’m not alone. Every Tom, Dick and Harry had their imperfections
hanging out during the dreaded winter months, when our bodies may not be at
their best. People watching ought to be
considered a sport. The waterpark is by
far the BEST place to observe populaces with nothing for them to hide behind
but a few pieces of cloth. I saw, big
butts, flabby tummies, cellulite, skinny gangly legs and arms, flat chests,
tattooed and pierced parts, bye-bye arms, hairy backs, huge noses, gigantic
chests, hairy armpits, (in women that is) wrinkles, ache, saggy boobs, rotund
bodies, tiny frames, birthmarks, hunched over backs, wide hips, bulges where
they weren’t meant to be, stretch marks, parts with scars, moles and
blemishes….you name it, I saw it. There
were no supermodel bodies to be found. A
further observation was that most people don’t know how to use the assets they
are given, ALMOST all of the individuals I saw choose the wrong style bathing
suit for their body type. Even the best of the best had issues. Goes to show you a good number of us don’t have
a stylist that follows us around.
Isn’t it uncanny that the Victoria Secret or Calvin Klein
underwear model ideal only makes up a seriously small percentage of the general
public but we seem to all deep down aspire to look this way. It’s what society is telling us is attractive. Let’s face it, at one time or another we are
all envious of the angels, the Victoria Secret kind that is. But aren’t
we setting ourselves up for failure? If
the average size woman is a 14 and the run-of-the-mill bloke doesn’t have a six
pack but more like a keg, what makes us think we can look like as good, in our
underwear? Or more importantly why do we have these imagines in our faces telling
us how we should look? I know that various
companies are trying to push back on high fashion magazines with campaigns with
“real” woman and some Hollywood stars have gone without makeup or airbrushing
to see the “real” person but is it enough?
With all the images that we catch sight of it’s hard to step back and just
be pleased with what we have. I don’t condemn
myself for wanting to be svelte with a flawless tan body, large boobs and an unblemished
face. Who wouldn’t want to fasten on a
pair of angel wings in their underwear and be the envy of the world, it sounds
DREAMY! However most of us will never
get to wear those wings, let’s face it, those models have hit the genetics
lottery and the team of experts they have in tow doesn’t hurt their cause
either. Ever notice that models don’t
seem to have pores, blemishes, scars, wrinkles, lines, stretch marks or cellulite. Make-up
covers their whole body and is dumped on them by the bucket. Most size 00 (double zero – can you believe
that’s a real size?) body frames don’t come equipped with large perfect rounds breasts. That’s right the pushup bra or even plastic
surgery has done WONDERS for those lean women with no boobs. Male bodies seem to be finding extra muscle
groups that didn’t even exist years ago.
I dare you to find an image of a male 25 years ago with chest and stomach
muscles like so many guys in adverts today. Don’t even get me started on hair. Hair seems to be getting thicker and longer
on women’s heads while disappearing on men’s bodies. Hair extensions are everywhere, no wonder my hair
looks so limp, I need to have a weave in order to get my locks to look like the
magazines. I guess the bottom line is, even
those supermodels want to look like they do in those advertisements. They have been glammed up by a TEAM of
experts and airbrushed to the perfect ideal we as society are allowing them to
create. It’s all smoke and mirrors, an
illusion, an ideal that isn’t what we are supposed to look like. So maybe we should go a little easier on
ourselves, you think?
This is most certainly not just a woman’s problem, men face similar
insecurities. I had an “aha moment”
(like Oprah likes to say) when I read an article a while back about male
supermodel David Gandy. In the article
Gandy said, "In terms of my looks, I’m very self-critical: I hate my hair,
my lips, my nose. And I can’t grow a full beard. People assume I think more of
myself than I actually do.” If you’ve
ever seen David Gandy you would know that there are gaggles of woman falling at
his feet and plenty of men who dream to look like him, as they should, so
what’s the problem David? Supermodel
Kate Moss said "I never liked modeling. I wasn’t the prettiest girl in
class. No breasts, short legs, gangly teeth. I didn’t think I was model
material, that’s for sure.... I think they’re all right, my looks, now. But
I’ve never seen myself as sexy or a side of myself that boys would like.” WHAT!!!!?????
Tyra Banks hated her reflection in the mirror when she was young and
even though she later became a supermodel, that insecure person lives inside
her. Supermodel Christy Turlington doesn’t
like to be photographed. Angelina Jolie,
arguably the world’s most beautiful woman in Hollywood, stated in a magazine
article, “I struggle with low self-esteem all the time. I think everyone does.
I have so much wrong with me, it's unbelievable.” If these beautiful people struggle with self-image
problems, I might as well hang it up right now!! These are some of the most attractive people
in the world and they tussle with insecurities, just like us common folk. Goes to show you we shouldn’t put people up
on a pedestal and praise them as being perfect. Goes to show you there isn’t a PERFECT! We all want what we don’t have; you know the
grass is always greener. Skinny people
want meat on their bones, fat people want to look thin, and people with long thin
straight hair want short thick curls. We
want what we can’t have. It never ends.
Will we ever be content?
Doubt it! We are our own worst
critic. Some of the most gorgeous people,
the ones our society tells us to aspire to be, are some of the more self-conscious
people while the larger “not perfect” people who seem to love what god gave
them, flaunt what they’ve got. What’s
that saying, “shake what your momma gave ya!” There is nothing and I mean nothing more
beautiful than someone with confidence. Having
said that, the quickest way to get over the upcoming bikini season is to simply
put one on. In the words of Nike, “Just
do it.” That is what I will be doing on
my upcoming Caribbean vacation. I’m
putting on the bikini and letting all my imperfections hang out. I’m not going to cover them up like I have
all winter; I’m freeing myself of the shame of having something wrong with me. Get rid of your angel envy and love what you
have, who cares what your imperfections are, know you are not alone and the
sooner you are content with what you have, the sooner you have figured out what
it’s all about. Empower yourself and
stop worrying about the ideal that we all need to look like supermodels. That doesn’t mean let yourself go or stop aiming
to be healthier, it means have fun with what you’ve got right now. Don’t squander your life wishing you had
something else. If all those stunning
people I mentioned have self-confidence issues, where does that leave the rest
of us? The point is, we are ALL human
and see our own imperfections, no matter how PREFECT others see us and we are
only as beautiful as we see ourselves.
Confidence is the most important asset one can have, isn’t that what we
want to pass down to our children instead of those great genetics for the “prefect”
body.
I know actions speak louder than words so I’m challenging
myself again, (let’s face it, these are just words on a page until we do
something about it and I’m all for becoming a better person) and I’m
challenging you too! Here’s the
challenge….take a picture of a body part you HATE, really look at it and then come
up with SOMETHING (anything) upbeat to say about it.
This is really courageous of me, I don’t mind saying. It’s not easy to expose insecurities. So without further ado. I’m not a bikini person and have never been
one, I can’t even remember the decade in which my stomach was flat and after having
my daughter it got even worse. The
pregnancy left loads of stretch marks across my stomach, in the last month of
pregnancy. Not only did I battle with
the extra blubber that comes along with giving birth, that to this day I’ve
never lost, but now I have dark grooved scars all across my stomach. I spent years covering them all up and
figured my bikini days were never going to be possible. So here is a picture of my stomach, one part
of my body that I have always been ashamed of.
When I look at the picture I still have hopes that one day I’ll get my
ass to the gym and tighten it up but until then, I will look at those scars
across my belly, and know that I earned them!
Instead of looking at them as scars, I will look at them as souvenirs of
one of the best times of my life. Without
those stretch marks I wouldn’t have my daughter, it a small price to pay. So instead of being shamed into feeling the
need to hide them, I say screw that, and I’m putting on my bikini and strutting
my stuff, showing the world I’m a mother and proud of it. Life’s too short; love what you’ve got right
here right now.
You can do it, please attach your pictures and comments on
my blog. Empower yourself and show
yourself and the world that it’s ok that you are NOT perfect and love yourself
anyways. I know it’s easier to say it
then truly do it. I know I’ll never be
completely content about my looks, I’m human, but we can at least look at
things through different eyes. Instead
of finding only the flaws, look a little deeper you might be surprised with
what you find. Now that I’ve got my
bikini on, where did I put those wings?
