“Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening.” - Coco Channel

Have you ever gone to your closet and said, “I don’t have anything to wear?”  If you are a warm blooded woman, certainly you have.   So many times in life I have looked in my closet (that was heaving full of clothes) and had trouble finding something to wear.  Why do we do this?  Of course we have clothes to wear, but we are attaching our emotions to picking out our daily wardrobe.  We are describing a feeling for that day.  In reality most of us have vast amounts of clothes to wear but we have NO clothes in our closet that make us feel the way we need to for that day!  We have “NOTHING” to wear because our clothing is a direct reflection of who we are and how we feel, or at least that’s what I think.

Something that most people don’t know about me is that I LOVE FASHION.  The reason that most of you don’t know this is because you would NEVER believe this by looking at me.  The truth is I love reading fashion blogs, browsing fashion magazines online and of course perusing high end fashion stores.  I pay attention to fashion week, in all the fashion meccas like Paris, New York and London.   Pinterest is a bit like crack for me, so much visual design stimulation, I must admit, I’m addicted.   Fashion is one of my guilty pleasures, one that I’m not even sure the closest people in my life really know.   For me my little obsession has something to do with the visual aspects of putting pieces together to make a look.    For most of my life comfort has been the key to my fashion.  Comfort is practical and I’m a practical person. Jeans and sneakers have always been staples in my wardrobe, but inside I am a Fashionista just waiting to get out.  I’ve always been envious of people who have the body, and let’s face it, the money to pull of the fashion that makes those best dressed lists.

What was I thinking?

When I was young, my mother tells me, she was allowed to dress me ONLY up until Kindergarten.  When we went school clothes shopping for first grade, I informed her that I was NOW in charge!  Telling her that I allowed her to pick on my clothes in Kindergarten (manly dresses) but that I was old enough to do it on my own and dresses would not be in my closet.  From Kindergarten until my wedding, I can honestly say that I could count on my hands how many dresses I wore.  To my mother’s credit, she ALWAYS let me wear what I wanted and even if it wasn’t what she wanted for me.   Let’s say I was very particular with my style however I NEVER cared what other people were wearing.   I wouldn’t say I was the most fashionable but instead of following the trends, I tended to stay away from the fray and learned to just be myself.  I might have been a little too much myself when I wore a tuxedo to one of my proms, why did I do this, you ask?  Because I loved to be different and I could. 

In the words of Coco Channel, “Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening.”  For me whether it’s fashion, interior design, architecture, or the all-around design of things like cars, I love all the visual aspects of design.  I love to look at everything visually.   I have a deep love for all things that exude style.  It’s the panache of every detail that makes me excited.  I feel the passion that I have inside when I see the design of a favorite sports car, an impeccably designed room, or an outfit that has it all pulled together.  Design is everywhere.  My inspiration comes from all different places and when I see it, it makes me happy. 

Just the other day, when I was again, looking through a packed closet of NOTHNG to wear.  I decided enough was enough and took EVERYTHING out of my closet, re organized it all and purged outfits that just don’t work for me anymore, then I drove it to the local thrift store.  While I was there I had to go browsing the racks, as this is one thing that gives me inspiration, when I have time.  It is another of my guilty pleasures. Where else can you find pieces spanning several generations, numerous designers and styles and priced for only for a few dollars?   It’s so much more fun than the mall, where store after store has the latest trends.  I bore easy so when everything looks the same, I get bored.  In thrift stores, I like to look for well-made fabrics, classic patterns and pieces with amazing textures.  I find numerous things that I would never have extra money to purchase brand new or might not even think of buying because it’s not practical.  There is nothing more satisfying than leaving a store with large bags filled with fashion finds and spending very little.  It also makes it much easier when I look in the closet a few months down the road and say I have nothing to wear.  I yank it all out again and weed out my thrift store treasures, taking them back to the thrift store for the next person to repurpose and be excited about.

Dressing up for High Tea

Thirty years after I told my mother I wanted to pick out my own clothes, I am still about comfort. I always wondered why women shove their feet into 8 inches heels, and wear uncomfortably tight clothing, but secretly I wished I could pull it off.  I love everything about design; different textures, fabrics and patterns.  I love accessories like watches, shoes, scarves & HATS!  Oh, how I love HATS! And I am in love with classic fashion these days.  I look back at my grandparent’s generation and realize how stylish a time it was.   I sometimes wonder if we have become so consumed with comfort that we have become lazy as a society and classic fashion has become non-existent.  Some of the reason that I don’t wear heels and dresses much in my life is because they are simply NOT practical.  There is NO need to wear fashionable clothes to soccer practices, school PTO functions and the grocery store.  Practical always wins out.  Being in a VERY small rural town stocked with Amish people, it seems that fashion is one of the furthest things from most people’s minds.  Another reason or excuse to not worry about my appearance is this idea that in order to be fashionable you need to look like the people from the glossy high end magazines.  Honestly who the hell looks like that?  Somewhere in my brain, I have learned that being myself isn’t fashionable.  I need to get rid of this thought process but the question is can I pull it off?  Can I be as fashionable on the outside as I FEEL on the inside?

I once read that we use 20% of the clothes in our closet 80% of the time.   Could this be true?  The quick answer is most definitely, we all have those comfy jeans, the shirt with the stain on it that we love or a worn out pair of shoes that we can’t part with.  Most of us wear the same things week after week. This means that 80% of your clothing is simply taking up valuable space in your closet.   Well, no wonder we can’t find anything to wear; we only like 20% of the things in there.  Does this sound familiar to anyone?  If you’re feeling like you wear the same things day after day, this is the perfect time to get out of that rut! Set aside a few minutes (or hours) to pull everything out of your closet, take stock of what you have, purge, de-clutter, and create a simple, more organized closet space filled with things you will wear.

Love dressing up for a special occasion

Moving forward I will be dressing for me, still for comfort, because let’s face it we are who we are, but when I can pull off a fashion find that screams my name, I will!  I want to throw all those excuses out the window as to why it’s not important here where I live and do what makes me happy!  Take all the inspiration that I get from life and dress for my inner Fashionista. Let whatever you love on the inside come out and shine on the outside.  It may not be possible every day but when it is, make it count!  If you love something you shouldn’t be hiding it, you should be incorporating it into your life and not making excuses as to why it isn’t important.  If it’s important to you, that’s all that matters.   Find what inspires you, look in the sky and in the street, look at the way you live and what’s happening around you and find an inner passion that you can bring to the outside.  What you do and how you present yourself is a direct reflection of who you are.  Make sure that reflection in the mirror of yourself matches the person you are on the inside.

"Family is like branches on a tree, we all grow in different directions, but our roots keep us all together.”

 

Yesterday we journeyed to my husband’s homeland, Buffalo, NY.  Not for the chicken wings, not for a Buffalo Bills game, not to visit old buddies and not for a celebration like a birthday, holiday or wedding but rather for a death in the family.  We went to remember a kindhearted man, someone that I always appreciated conversation with and was continuously positive and complimentary to my daughter, myself and my husband.  We went to pay our final respects to our uncle, a man that had married into this crazy yet wonderful clan, just like I had.

When we arrived, I must say, it was weird and a little surreal to see certain faces that I hadn’t seen in so many years.  My only interaction with some has been via Facebook, so I could at least pick them out of the crowd.   We were greeted with open arms and even in light of this dreadful occasion, it felt good to see everyone.  After the initial shock wore off and we paid our respects, my husband and I made our way through the sea of people to the back of the room, where a large portion of our relatives had congregated.   It had been eons since every last one of the family had been in one place (honestly, I’ve been in the family for 19 years and it was a first for me).  Brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews, all gathering for a common good, to pull together and help their own through one of the most devastating times of their lives.  Each and every family member wishing they could take the grief and sadness away from their loved ones.

As an only child, it is in times like these I am rather envious, not of the loss but of the support a large family and siblings can give.  To have a sizable tribe to support you through thick and thin, it’s something I’m sure I’ve missed out on.  I come from parents whom both have big families, so I understand the dynamics from a far but don’t truly get it.  More times than not, I am appreciative that I don’t have to go through the chaos that seems to come with the job of having siblings (all the bickering, he said, she said kind of stuff) but on the flip side, I will never be acquainted with what it is like to rally together, in those moments when it’s needed most.

As one of my favorite saying goes, “Family is like branches on a tree, we all grow in different directions, but our roots keep us all together.”  There was a common theme last night and it was said too many times for me to count.  Most conversations started with the phrase, “It’s been a long time….”  And boy had it been, years upon years since each and every one has been under one roof.  Why does it take a funeral to bring love ones together?  It’s true, family members grow up, start their own families and spread out just like the branches of a tree.  Even though this family all lives within close proximity to one another (my husband, the odd man out, is the only one living away from native soil) they might have just as well been miles away.   Some have stayed in touch with one another, while others have drifted apart.   Some of us staying somewhat connected from a distance on social media but overall as a whole the branches have splintered and they have grown far away from one another. 

In many ways family is very much like a tree that goes through seasons of change.  Some days everything is perfect and the sun is shining on you.  While other days the branches are twisting in the wind.  Leaves fall off and grow back but what never changes are the roots, they keep growing and getting stronger.  Family is a weird dynamic, so complex that the parties involved seem to complicate the relationships for this reason or that, going in and out of one another’s lives though out the years.   It seems as if we’ve got it all wrong but I wouldn’t expect anything less because we are human.  Maybe it’s stubbornness?  Maybe its pride?  Maybe it’s because they are so similar that they have grown apart?  Maybe it’s our busy schedules? Maybe it’s because it’s just how life is supposed to be, we grow up and make our own families?  Whatever the reason, the bond of family, the connection of sharing something as similar as parents or grandparents keeps us linked even when we are apart.  That is why during the wake last night I was happily surprised.  My father-in-law and his siblings all got along like years hadn’t passed; cousins talked about new ventures and their own children and spouses.  They interacted with one another like time hadn’t passed.  Sure everyone has a little less hair, more wrinkles, arthritis, a few more pounds and more baggage then the last time but they seemed to have something deeper than the things that made them drift apart.  They have roots and their roots are strong.

Through death we are reminded about how short our stay on earth is, no matter the age of a person, it never seems to be enough time.  It is a cue to us, to tell the individuals we love how we feel for them, even if they already know.  Don’t wait for a funeral to reach out and tell your family members you love them.  It sounds cliché, but life is short, have no regrets.  Loss reminds us that all the other stuff going on in our lives is background noise; it refocuses us on what is important.  When push comes to shove, family is the strongest connection there is.  It’s too bad it takes unfortunate circumstances to pull together.  If there is ever a silver lining that comes with this life that left us too soon, let it be that this family, that I call myself a part of, finds its roots.  Let them fulfill their promises to call one another more often or to even get together once in a while.   They have grown in different directions as branches do but let this be a reminder that they share the bond that is called family.  Hopefully this moment will strengthen them as a whole.  I know that our uncle was looking down and smiling last night.  He must be proud of the family for pulling together for his wife, children and grandchildren. 

Sometimes through disappointments come many blessings.