Given that, this week marks my 11th wedding anniversary with my husband, I reckoned it was a good time to talk marriage. I’m clearly not a relationship expert but I feel I’ve earned my stripes and can speak on the subject with some knowledge or at least tell you my perspective. This year my husband and I will have been together nearly half of our lives, 18 years to be exact (as I tap it out on the keys, I still can’t believe we’re that old). Certain days it hardly seems feasible that we have been together that long, other days I barely remember my life before him. Either way I look at it, it’s been an awesome ride that I’m buckled in for and not getting off anytime soon.
I read an
article the other day about a couple born on the same day, eloped in their
teens, married for 75 years that died a day apart. Can you say fate? That’s just weird, right? Isn’t this really the best case scenario for
any marriage? Living a long fulfilling
life with someone you love that you never have to watch suffer. 75 years of marriage, I hope to make it there
one day. Wouldn’t it be great if there
were a formula to follow? Unfortunately there is no cookie cutter way to
make a marriage work. Every relationship
is different, some last the test of time, while others only a few minutes. With the divorce rate over 50%, the idea of
marriage can be daunting. I say, if it works
for you, run with it. I do feel marriage
need to be selfless. Many marriages stop
working because the couple thinks it will always be like when they first met
but relationships fizzle out and you have to constantly work at them, like it’s
your job. If it means you have to do
things you don’t want to, so be it. Ah,
the things we do for love, that could be its own separate blog entry. I do know that if you make your marriage a
priority and don’t give up, you can make it.
I try not to
judge anyone else’s relationship, as you never know the inner workings them. It has been my observation that the marriages
that I thought would last forever, the ones that seemed almost perfect, ended
and the ones that seemed to be a crazy match and should never last more than a
year are still going. No rhyme or reason,
remember? If I was to impart my wisdom, the only thing I
am certain of is that marriage is hard and takes work; constantly changing and
evolving. However if you choose the
right person to be by your side it’s one of the easiest and most remarkable experiences of life.
Relationships
are forever transforming; some for the good, some for the bad, but if you are
committed to working together and roll
with the punches you can get through anything.
I know that I have chosen the right person to do that with and I knew it
18 years ago, when we met. Any guy who
would volunteer to sit with a girl who was throwing up (clearly from
intoxication) for a bus ride all the way from Buffalo to St. Louis, is a keeper. By the way, I threw up 16 times during that trip
and he still married me. My husband is such a NICE guy; he was the only
person that was willing to sit with me. Fate,
who knows? I knew back then how great he
was but I was a little unsure that he was the perfect fit for me, at that
time. What did I know, I was only 18
years old?
A great
quote by Sam Keen says, “We come to love not by finding a perfect person but by
learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.”
That 18 year old who didn’t think we were the perfect match, might have
been right. He wasn’t perfect but I’m so
glad I gave it a try and found out perfect is all in how you look at it. Perfection is for pin up calendars and chick
flicks not for relationships. When you
fall in love you look past all the imperfections and love the hell out of the
perfection in front of you, or at least that is what I did. So my husband burps loud, licks his plate at
the dinner table, doesn’t match his clothes right, and isn’t getting calls from
Vogue for cover shoots. He is so much
more than a pretty face anyway. Come to
find out perfect is someone that is there for you, holds your hand, attempts to
understand you, supports you no matter what, kisses you goodnight, takes care
of your children and is committed to you every day. So if
you are still looking for that perfect person, stop and know that perfect isn’t
out there. You have to give someone a
chance and see if you can live with all their perfect imperfections. I consider myself lucky to have found my perfect
and I love the hell out of him.
I would like
to say special thank you to my parents and my in-laws for showing us the
way. Your commitment to your marriages
hasn’t gone without notice. Through all your
ups and downs you have shown us the importance of the vows that we took 11
years ago. You have exhibited that there
is no such thing as perfect, just hard work and loyalty. Thanks for being our role models.
To my best friend and my husband you are my
everything. (Too much? I know cheesy, right? Sounds like a Hallmark moment.) Thank you for being you, not taking life too
serious with me and making me smile every single day. You have given me more than I could have
possibly imagined. Eleven years of
marriage down and our love and respect for one another seems stronger than when
we first met. I’m really lucky I choose
my best friend to be by my side. I get
to start and end each day with a man that is kind, caring, considerate, easy
going, hardworking, supportive, immature and equipped with the best sense of
humor anyone could ask for. That’s
really our secret. He makes me laugh and
laugh and laugh. I’ve said it so many times before, laughter is the KEY. It’s what keeps me going and grounded, in all
aspects of my life. I am so glad I have
you by my side, you are the Beavis to my Butthead (yeah, I said it; we really
don’t take life too serious …it works for us). Thank you for seeing the perfect in my
imperfections, making me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world and
loving all my flaws. You are a good man
and you deserve everything you want out of life and I hope to be by your side
for it all. Happy Anniversary. I love
you with all my heart. The last 11 years of marriage have taught me
that it doesn’t matter where you go in life; it’s who is by your side.
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