“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” – Unknown

 

 

Another calendar year has come to close, as many of us will do, I took some time to sit back and mull over my 2013; the good, the bad and the ugly.  With each passing year, we are miraculously handed a FRESH start, a new beginning at Midnight on every January 1^st, to do whatever we want.  We kiss a stranger or a loved one and then most of us will make resolutions that won’t last into February but it is what we are programmed to do, with our clean slate.  We all aspire to eat healthier, exercise more often, look mind-blowing in our swim suits, spend less dinero, make more dough, manage our stress, discover our dream job, be a better person and give back and so on and so on.  Let’s face it, every single one of us wants to be that impeccable person.  I say fooey to that, who is perfect?   Just be yourself, and with each passing year maybe you can be a little better version of yourself.   What screws us up in life is the picture of the way it’s supposed to look.  You are who you are for a reason don’t try and be flawless, it’s too much pressure and you will ALWAYS fail, even with your absolute best efforts.  Now is the time to figure out how to get through another revolution around the sun, on the new path set out in front of us on January 1st.    I’m not big on resolutions, they never seem to stick but I will say that I unconsciously try to be a little better person than I was the year before.   I’m not sure I succeed at this, on all levels of my life, but I always seem to do something a little better than I did the year before.  I say baby steps to becoming the person you have always wanted to be.  What’s that joke, how do you eat an elephant?...one bite at a time (ba da bump).  No one can do it all at once.  We all have good intensions but it’s impossible to change everything all at the same time, so go easy on yourself and realize you have already come so far, your life is a long book and your ending isn’t written yet.

The 2013 chapter of my story was a rollercoaster of ups and downs, as most years tend to be.  I like to think that 2013 was a year of pushing myself a smidge further than I really wanted to go and demonstrating to myself that it’s never too late to try unfamiliar things.  So here goes….the good in 2013.  I challenged myself to run a 5K, and not only did I complete a 5K, I can say I accomplished two of them, and neither of them were your standard 5K road race.  Ok, so there were no land speed records for me but it was so far out of my wheel house and comfort zone, it scared the living shit out of me.  2013 was the year I told myself I could do it and PROVED myself right. I’m sure in 2014; I will again, scare myself to death and sign up for a few races and maybe even beat last year’s times?  This past year was also the year I started writing and set off to start this blog.  In the past, I had continually thought about writing but never really imagined I was any good at it.  Jury’s still out on that, but with each passing year I worry less and less about what others think and have found that I love writing, so who cares if I’m any good at it?  I vow to do more writing in the coming year, perchance getting better at it in 2014.  I feel like I stepped out of my comfort zone in 2013, I conquered a hip hop dance class, frolicked in a volleyball league and had a blast engaging in a recreation softball league with some of my new best mates.  I exhibited a love hate relationship with the some of the new ideas that weren’t really my cup of tea but I wouldn’t change them for the world.  I enjoyed setting the standard for my daughter, establishing the idea that it is never too late to try new things.  I deduce from the year, that it was a good lesson for me too.  Now and again we get so stuck in our ways we don’t go out and try anything new.  I hope that zest for the unknown that accelerated in 2013 endures for years to come. 
In 2013, I can say I connected with and made some new friends; you know the ones that just really get you and you can completely be yourself with.   I am happy to say that indubitably we will stay connected, no matter what direction our lives go in.  I really look forward to this New Year with friends by my side, making me a better person than I was the year before.  I’m so fortunate to have a better half who fancies making me happy.  As I’ve expressed in other writing, I am infatuated with visiting new places.   My husband made me so blissfully happy by taking the family on more than a few jaunts over the year.  I’m sure he appreciated them too but deep down I know he does it for me.  As a family, this past year we snorkeled a vivid coral reef and took a catamaran ride though Paradise Island, in the Bahamas, climbed a waterfall and experienced riding horses in the teal blue waters of Jamaica, sipped fruity drinks in Margaritaville on the island of Grand Turk (oh how I wish I was there now), caught some waves boogie boarding and enjoyed chasing crabs on the beaches of the Outer banks, watched groups of dolphins swimming the shoreline right along Virginia Beach and we even slipped back in time, way back, while visiting Colonial Williamsburg.  I love new adventures. Traveling, seeing and doing new things is something I will never get enough of and with any luck that will continue into 2014 and beyond.  I was blessed to have shared these experiences, etching them into my memory forever, with my family and friends. 
During the summer of 2013, my daughter and I devoted the summer to paying it forward, with our 77 days of acts of kindness.  What an escapade it was, the things I learned from and hopefully taught my daughter, during that undertaking were spectacular.  I’m thrilled to have done something so very encouraging.  It’s something I have always wanted to do and my hope is that the kindness we showed, my daughter will carry with her forever.  I look forward to doing more charitable acts in 2014, possibly even bigger and better.  In 2013, I was able to use my creativity to refresh the surrounding in our home, by repurposing materials no one wanted, my favorites being the wood pallets I attached to our living room wall and the driftwood I framed the bathroom mirror with.  I was involved in many DIY projects that I thoroughly enjoyed and have always wanted to do.  Now the surrounding of our home matches my personality and I love looking at my ideas every day.  2013 was a much more creative year than the past and I’m sure I will one up myself again in the coming year, one bite at a time, remember?  I just wish I had a bigger house for all of the ideas, in my head.

With all those highs on the rollercoaster ride of 2013, there of course were various dips too.  The bad, unfortunately 2013 will eternally be remembered by me as, the year I lost my grandmother, a woman that I was devoted to throughout my years.  It would be crazy to say that, that event did not change me, because it has.  My grandmother’s passing was a blessing, because of the peaceful way she went, as much as a tragedy for me, if you will, an end of an era for my family.  I am blessed and indebted that I had NO regrets or unsaid words with her and I will always revere the time we spent together.  It is still hard for me to believe I am entering a new year without her.  With all the upbeat happenings I remember from the year, I would say the two occurrences I learned the most from were the most devastating and will forever change me ; the passing of a prominent woman in my life and a bad experience that felt as if it divided my community.  You guessed it, the ugly for me was when my community, the one I have always considered my home, was divided this year on the idea of a merger of school districts.  Unfortunately I ended up on the losing side of that battle, and believe me it was a battle, I felt bloody and battered at the end of it and the emotional scars are still there.  I guess that is just how the world works, we learn and change as much from the undesirable things as we do from all the good, and we probably learn more in the process, to carry with us to the next year.

I caught sight of this quote the other day from an unknown and it really got me thinking.   “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”  Following some reflection, I have come to conclusion that with every year that elapses I seem to learn more and more, have MORE to be grateful for and know that what I have now, 20, 10 or even 5 years ago, I could have never even imagined.  I do feel that I am genuinely one of the luckiest people alive.  I have the best husband on earth, a beautiful healthy daughter, a roof over my head and food on the table, what more could I ask for?  Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t run around every day feeling this way, my family can attest to this.  I am human and for some reason it’s easier to dwell on what we DON’T have as opposed to what we have. Like I said, when I focused on what I do indeed have it really makes me feel like a schmuck, when I want more.  It’s a new year and with that comes new dreams, goals, and hopes and of course WANTS.  That hope for change or more is what gets me up in the morning, that doesn’t mean I love what I have any less.  I hope in my journeys in 2014, while I want more, I ALWAYS remember not to spoil what I have NOW, just for the sake of having more.  That I want more for the right reasons.  I guess there is a fine line between being happy with what you have and understanding why you want more.  I think I will always want more, not necessarily more monetary things, JUST MORE, because it is my way of making myself a little better every year, so if that makes me a schmuck, so be it.   I’m sure I will be a schmuck again in 2014. 

2014, what is in store for me?    In 2014, it is my hope that I always focus on the fact that I have an amazing daughter and husband, cherish all the good they bring to my life instead of dwelling on the fact that they drive me batty every once in a while.  I want to cherish my relationships, deepening the old ones and forming new ones.  I will choose to make more time for ME, continue to learn, change what needs to be changed and try to continue my journey toward making my dreams come true, the ones I right now am only hoping for.  Always remembering what I have in front of me right now is amazing, never losing sight of how good I have it.  Most importantly, I would like to make sure I laugh every day.   Oh and if there is a genie in a bottle somewhere out there ready to grant me my three wishes; I would like to look amazing in my swimsuit, find my dream job and hope it pays boat loads of money or winning the lottery would work too.  What!!? I didn’t say I was perfect.  This coming year is yours, what will you do with it?