The Dreaded Bathing Suit

Last month I had to do what we ALL dread.  The worst possible thing EVER!!  You guessed it; I had to put on a bathing suit. Ok, so perchance there are ghastlier things, but is there indeed anything worse for your self-confidence or self-worth?   Ladies, I think NOT!  I know, I know, you must think I’m so shallow, petty and one-dimensional.  How could I worry about such a superficial thing?  I know there are substantial problems for humankind, but self-esteem can be shattered that first time we have to put on the swimsuit.  It’s really a big deal.  We spend the majority of the winter months bundling up.  If you are like me, we devote very little time looking; I mean really observing our bodies in the winter.  When we are forced into our bathing suits we have no choice but to scrutinize.  So let me tell you what I spotted when I put on my suit; my belly bulge (a few too many Christmas cookies, perhaps), white ashen dry skin (the sun hasn’t shined here in months and the air is so dry, it has a cough), cellulite thighs (my chub rub – you know the parts of the inside of the legs that chaff when you walk), thick deep stretch marks on my belly (thank you pregnancy), loads of FAT (that plump, pudgy stuff that shows up when you forgot to exercise) and wrinkles and sagging (I’m not getting any younger).  You heard me right; there was nothing positive in what I witnessed.  Don’t judge me; I’m sure I’m not alone in this self-confidence melee.

Subsequently spending voluminous hours people watching, at an indoor water park, I began thinking I’m not alone.  Every Tom, Dick and Harry had their imperfections hanging out during the dreaded winter months, when our bodies may not be at their best.  People watching ought to be considered a sport.  The waterpark is by far the BEST place to observe populaces with nothing for them to hide behind but a few pieces of cloth.  I saw, big butts, flabby tummies, cellulite, skinny gangly legs and arms, flat chests, tattooed and pierced parts, bye-bye arms, hairy backs, huge noses, gigantic chests, hairy armpits, (in women that is) wrinkles, ache, saggy boobs, rotund bodies, tiny frames, birthmarks, hunched over backs, wide hips, bulges where they weren’t meant to be, stretch marks, parts with scars, moles and blemishes….you name it, I saw it.  There were no supermodel bodies to be found.  A further observation was that most people don’t know how to use the assets they are given, ALMOST all of the individuals I saw choose the wrong style bathing suit for their body type. Even the best of the best had issues.  Goes to show you a good number of us don’t have a stylist that follows us around.

Isn’t it uncanny that the Victoria Secret or Calvin Klein underwear model ideal only makes up a seriously small percentage of the general public but we seem to all deep down aspire to look this way.  It’s what society is telling us is attractive.  Let’s face it, at one time or another we are all envious of the angels, the Victoria Secret kind that is.   But aren’t we setting ourselves up for failure?  If the average size woman is a 14 and the run-of-the-mill bloke doesn’t have a six pack but more like a keg, what makes us think we can look like as good, in our underwear? Or more importantly why do we have these imagines in our faces telling us how we should look?  I know that various companies are trying to push back on high fashion magazines with campaigns with “real” woman and some Hollywood stars have gone without makeup or airbrushing to see the “real” person but is it enough?  With all the images that we catch sight of it’s hard to step back and just be pleased with what we have.  I don’t condemn myself for wanting to be svelte with a flawless tan body, large boobs and an unblemished face.  Who wouldn’t want to fasten on a pair of angel wings in their underwear and be the envy of the world, it sounds DREAMY!  However most of us will never get to wear those wings, let’s face it, those models have hit the genetics lottery and the team of experts they have in tow doesn’t hurt their cause either.  Ever notice that models don’t seem to have pores, blemishes, scars, wrinkles, lines, stretch marks or cellulite.   Make-up covers their whole body and is dumped on them by the bucket.  Most size 00 (double zero – can you believe that’s a real size?) body frames don’t come equipped with large perfect rounds breasts.  That’s right the pushup bra or even plastic surgery has done WONDERS for those lean women with no boobs.  Male bodies seem to be finding extra muscle groups that didn’t even exist years ago.  I dare you to find an image of a male 25 years ago with chest and stomach muscles like so many guys in adverts today.  Don’t even get me started on hair.  Hair seems to be getting thicker and longer on women’s heads while disappearing on men’s bodies.  Hair extensions are everywhere, no wonder my hair looks so limp, I need to have a weave in order to get my locks to look like the magazines.  I guess the bottom line is, even those supermodels want to look like they do in those advertisements.  They have been glammed up by a TEAM of experts and airbrushed to the perfect ideal we as society are allowing them to create.   It’s all smoke and mirrors, an illusion, an ideal that isn’t what we are supposed to look like.  So maybe we should go a little easier on ourselves, you think?

This is most certainly not just a woman’s problem, men face similar insecurities.  I had an “aha moment” (like Oprah likes to say) when I read an article a while back about male supermodel David Gandy.  In the article Gandy said, "In terms of my looks, I’m very self-critical: I hate my hair, my lips, my nose. And I can’t grow a full beard. People assume I think more of myself than I actually do.”  If you’ve ever seen David Gandy you would know that there are gaggles of woman falling at his feet and plenty of men who dream to look like him, as they should, so what’s the problem David?  Supermodel Kate Moss said "I never liked modeling. I wasn’t the prettiest girl in class. No breasts, short legs, gangly teeth. I didn’t think I was model material, that’s for sure.... I think they’re all right, my looks, now. But I’ve never seen myself as sexy or a side of myself that boys would like.”  WHAT!!!!?????  Tyra Banks hated her reflection in the mirror when she was young and even though she later became a supermodel, that insecure person lives inside her.  Supermodel Christy Turlington doesn’t like to be photographed.  Angelina Jolie, arguably the world’s most beautiful woman in Hollywood, stated in a magazine article, “I struggle with low self-esteem all the time. I think everyone does. I have so much wrong with me, it's unbelievable.”  If these beautiful people struggle with self-image problems, I might as well hang it up right now!!  These are some of the most attractive people in the world and they tussle with insecurities, just like us common folk.  Goes to show you we shouldn’t put people up on a pedestal and praise them as being perfect.   Goes to show you there isn’t a PERFECT!  We all want what we don’t have; you know the grass is always greener.  Skinny people want meat on their bones, fat people want to look thin, and people with long thin straight hair want short thick curls.  We want what we can’t have.  It never ends.

Will we ever be content?  Doubt it!  We are our own worst critic.  Some of the most gorgeous people, the ones our society tells us to aspire to be, are some of the more self-conscious people while the larger “not perfect” people who seem to love what god gave them, flaunt what they’ve got.  What’s that saying, “shake what your momma gave ya!”  There is nothing and I mean nothing more beautiful than someone with confidence.  Having said that, the quickest way to get over the upcoming bikini season is to simply put one on.  In the words of Nike, “Just do it.”  That is what I will be doing on my upcoming Caribbean vacation.  I’m putting on the bikini and letting all my imperfections hang out.  I’m not going to cover them up like I have all winter; I’m freeing myself of the shame of having something wrong with me.  Get rid of your angel envy and love what you have, who cares what your imperfections are, know you are not alone and the sooner you are content with what you have, the sooner you have figured out what it’s all about.  Empower yourself and stop worrying about the ideal that we all need to look like supermodels.   That doesn’t mean let yourself go or stop aiming to be healthier, it means have fun with what you’ve got right now.  Don’t squander your life wishing you had something else.  If all those stunning people I mentioned have self-confidence issues, where does that leave the rest of us?  The point is, we are ALL human and see our own imperfections, no matter how PREFECT others see us and we are only as beautiful as we see ourselves.  Confidence is the most important asset one can have, isn’t that what we want to pass down to our children instead of those great genetics for the “prefect” body.

I know actions speak louder than words so I’m challenging myself again, (let’s face it, these are just words on a page until we do something about it and I’m all for becoming a better person) and I’m challenging you too!  Here’s the challenge….take a picture of a body part you HATE, really look at it and then come up with SOMETHING (anything) upbeat to say about it. 

This is really courageous of me, I don’t mind saying.  It’s not easy to expose insecurities.  So without further ado.  I’m not a bikini person and have never been one, I can’t even remember the decade in which my stomach was flat and after having my daughter it got even worse.  The pregnancy left loads of stretch marks across my stomach, in the last month of pregnancy.    Not only did I battle with the extra blubber that comes along with giving birth, that to this day I’ve never lost, but now I have dark grooved scars all across my stomach.  I spent years covering them all up and figured my bikini days were never going to be possible.  So here is a picture of my stomach, one part of my body that I have always been ashamed of.  When I look at the picture I still have hopes that one day I’ll get my ass to the gym and tighten it up but until then, I will look at those scars across my belly, and know that I earned them!   Instead of looking at them as scars, I will look at them as souvenirs of one of the best times of my life.  Without those stretch marks I wouldn’t have my daughter, it a small price to pay.  So instead of being shamed into feeling the need to hide them, I say screw that, and I’m putting on my bikini and strutting my stuff, showing the world I’m a mother and proud of it.  Life’s too short; love what you’ve got right here right now.

You can do it, please attach your pictures and comments on my blog.  Empower yourself and show yourself and the world that it’s ok that you are NOT perfect and love yourself anyways.  I know it’s easier to say it then truly do it.  I know I’ll never be completely content about my looks, I’m human, but we can at least look at things through different eyes.  Instead of finding only the flaws, look a little deeper you might be surprised with what you find.  Now that I’ve got my bikini on, where did I put those wings?