"Family is like branches on a tree, we all grow in different directions, but our roots keep us all together.”

 

Yesterday we journeyed to my husband’s homeland, Buffalo, NY.  Not for the chicken wings, not for a Buffalo Bills game, not to visit old buddies and not for a celebration like a birthday, holiday or wedding but rather for a death in the family.  We went to remember a kindhearted man, someone that I always appreciated conversation with and was continuously positive and complimentary to my daughter, myself and my husband.  We went to pay our final respects to our uncle, a man that had married into this crazy yet wonderful clan, just like I had.

When we arrived, I must say, it was weird and a little surreal to see certain faces that I hadn’t seen in so many years.  My only interaction with some has been via Facebook, so I could at least pick them out of the crowd.   We were greeted with open arms and even in light of this dreadful occasion, it felt good to see everyone.  After the initial shock wore off and we paid our respects, my husband and I made our way through the sea of people to the back of the room, where a large portion of our relatives had congregated.   It had been eons since every last one of the family had been in one place (honestly, I’ve been in the family for 19 years and it was a first for me).  Brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews, all gathering for a common good, to pull together and help their own through one of the most devastating times of their lives.  Each and every family member wishing they could take the grief and sadness away from their loved ones.

As an only child, it is in times like these I am rather envious, not of the loss but of the support a large family and siblings can give.  To have a sizable tribe to support you through thick and thin, it’s something I’m sure I’ve missed out on.  I come from parents whom both have big families, so I understand the dynamics from a far but don’t truly get it.  More times than not, I am appreciative that I don’t have to go through the chaos that seems to come with the job of having siblings (all the bickering, he said, she said kind of stuff) but on the flip side, I will never be acquainted with what it is like to rally together, in those moments when it’s needed most.

As one of my favorite saying goes, “Family is like branches on a tree, we all grow in different directions, but our roots keep us all together.”  There was a common theme last night and it was said too many times for me to count.  Most conversations started with the phrase, “It’s been a long time….”  And boy had it been, years upon years since each and every one has been under one roof.  Why does it take a funeral to bring love ones together?  It’s true, family members grow up, start their own families and spread out just like the branches of a tree.  Even though this family all lives within close proximity to one another (my husband, the odd man out, is the only one living away from native soil) they might have just as well been miles away.   Some have stayed in touch with one another, while others have drifted apart.   Some of us staying somewhat connected from a distance on social media but overall as a whole the branches have splintered and they have grown far away from one another. 

In many ways family is very much like a tree that goes through seasons of change.  Some days everything is perfect and the sun is shining on you.  While other days the branches are twisting in the wind.  Leaves fall off and grow back but what never changes are the roots, they keep growing and getting stronger.  Family is a weird dynamic, so complex that the parties involved seem to complicate the relationships for this reason or that, going in and out of one another’s lives though out the years.   It seems as if we’ve got it all wrong but I wouldn’t expect anything less because we are human.  Maybe it’s stubbornness?  Maybe its pride?  Maybe it’s because they are so similar that they have grown apart?  Maybe it’s our busy schedules? Maybe it’s because it’s just how life is supposed to be, we grow up and make our own families?  Whatever the reason, the bond of family, the connection of sharing something as similar as parents or grandparents keeps us linked even when we are apart.  That is why during the wake last night I was happily surprised.  My father-in-law and his siblings all got along like years hadn’t passed; cousins talked about new ventures and their own children and spouses.  They interacted with one another like time hadn’t passed.  Sure everyone has a little less hair, more wrinkles, arthritis, a few more pounds and more baggage then the last time but they seemed to have something deeper than the things that made them drift apart.  They have roots and their roots are strong.

Through death we are reminded about how short our stay on earth is, no matter the age of a person, it never seems to be enough time.  It is a cue to us, to tell the individuals we love how we feel for them, even if they already know.  Don’t wait for a funeral to reach out and tell your family members you love them.  It sounds cliché, but life is short, have no regrets.  Loss reminds us that all the other stuff going on in our lives is background noise; it refocuses us on what is important.  When push comes to shove, family is the strongest connection there is.  It’s too bad it takes unfortunate circumstances to pull together.  If there is ever a silver lining that comes with this life that left us too soon, let it be that this family, that I call myself a part of, finds its roots.  Let them fulfill their promises to call one another more often or to even get together once in a while.   They have grown in different directions as branches do but let this be a reminder that they share the bond that is called family.  Hopefully this moment will strengthen them as a whole.  I know that our uncle was looking down and smiling last night.  He must be proud of the family for pulling together for his wife, children and grandchildren. 

Sometimes through disappointments come many blessings.