“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” -Aesop

It’s been a long while since I’ve had time to sit down and write.  Even though November is here and we are deep into the fall season, I want to catch you up and tell you about a special summer endeavor that was near and dear to my heart.  As I wrote back at the beginning of the summer, I implemented the idea of completing 77 Random Acts of Kindness, with my daughter during her 77 days of summer vacation.  I’m proud to say we followed through and completed all 77 days.
My goal in doing this was to teach my eight year old that you don’t need a reason to help people, to see how good it feels to give without getting anything back and to be a positive influence in the world.  I do believe it was a success.  Completing random acts of kindness is definitely not a new idea or even my idea; I will admit I stole this idea from the internet and made it my own.  The idea however was new to my daughter and that is all that mattered.   I loved seeing her face when she was paying it forward and doing something good for others.  I was over joyed when she would come up with ideas on her own.   After a week or so of doing our acts of kindness, it become part of her day, part of her routine, just like brushing her teeth.  It was music to my ears to hear, “What’s our random act of kindness for today?”  I would say that getting an eight year old to utter those words and make giving back a part of their day, a complete SUCCESS.
Aesop said, “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”     Even if our random acts didn’t impact any other human being, they didn’t go to waste.  I taught a very important life lesson, to my child, and I’m sure we did some good for others along the way too.  I feel that teaching the importance of thinking of anything other than ourselves is a lesson that should be taught to each and every child in the world, (scratch that) every adult too.   We live in a world now where children receive praise and get rewarded for EVERYTHING.  It’s great for self-esteem but  the “everyone’s a WINNER” idea, in my opinion, sets kids up to not only think that they don’t have to work hard, to get the reward, it teaches kids that you should get rewarded for everything you participate in.  Girl Scouts have prizes for selling Girl Scout cookies, because selling them to raise money for their troop isn’t enough.  “What do I get?”  My daughter comes home with candy attached to her schoolwork.  REALLY?  What message does this teach kids?  I get it, the teacher wants to reward her for doing well but shouldn’t they just be expected to do their best without the candy?  “What do I get?”  Our society is teaching kids to always have their hands out and wonder what they will be getting, instead of teaching them to just do things because they should.   We are raising kids to think life is all about them and I am no different, we all are doing it.   My favorite part about our “77 Random Acts of Kindness” was doing something good and NOT being able to stick around to reap the REWARD!  My daughter would say, can’t we stick around and see who gets this or I want to see what happens, and I would always say NO.  These acts were meant to be completely selfless.  We received nothing for doing them except for the best feeling in the world and knowing we were, maybe just maybe, making someone’s day a little better.  Imagine our world if we all took the time to teach this idea to our children.  The sun would shine a little brighter and maybe those kids would turn into adults who realize it’s not all about what I can get out of the world.

So I’m happy to say that my 77 random of kindness was a success.  I believe that no matter how small an act we completed, something amazing came from it.   I like to think we were like a pebble being thrown into a puddle; we’ll never know how far our ripples might have reached.  I hope that we inspire you to go out and leave the world a little better than you found it.  Take the time to teach your children that it is important to do good deeds with no reward at the end.  Pay it forward or do something random that brightens someone’s day.  I promise it will brighten yours too.  You don’t need a reason to help people; good deeds are FREE and are NEVER wasted,
So here they are, one of the best experiences I have been able to have with my daughter, our
 “77 Random Acts of Kindness”

1.       Made breakfast in bed for a loved one

2.       Took shorter showers to conserve water

3.       Started  a piggy bank for charity or good cause

4.       Emailed someone a list of 10 reasons why you love them

5.       Made a meal for someone

6.       Made and sent postcards to sick children in the hospital

7.       Bought ice cream for a friend

8.       Left laundry detergent at the Laundromat for customers who might need it

9.       Donated money to Alex’s Lemonade Stand

10.   Left quarters at an arcade for random kids to use

11.   Let someone in front of me in line

12.   Put change in candy machines

13.   Donated money to the SPCA

14.   Put a gift in our mailbox for our mail carrier thanking her

15.   Visited grandma in the nursing home – brought her a lucky bamboo

16.   Taught someone something new today

17.   Wrote thank you letters

18.   Hugged our loved ones for no particular reason

19.   Lent a hand to someone that needed it.  Helped make and clean up dinner, at a friend’s house, when he needed help.

20.   Made a patriotic flag cake & shared it with family and friends

21.   Left money at the car wash for next car to enjoy free wash.

22.   Dropped off books  at our pediatric dentist office

23.   Cleaned out closets and donated 3 bags of clothes to smaller children

24.   Cheered on teammates

25.   Paid for the car behind me at McDonalds drive thru

26.   Left lottery tickets on random cars

27.   Fed another person’s cat, while they are out of town

28.   Left coupons around the store, near products for others to use

29.   Donated stuff to the Salvation Army

30.   Watched friend’s kids for the day

31.   Left popcorn at the Redbox for movie renters to enjoy with a movie

32.   Left dollars in the toys section of the dollar store, in random places

33.   Returned other people’s shopping carts

34.   Handed out water to someone on a hot day

35.   Dropped a card in the mail for grandparents

36.   Left a new basketball at random playground

37.   Cleaned my grandmother’s  golf clubs

38.   Put quarters in washer machines at the Laundromat

39.    Picked up trash, in the park

40.   Bought dog treats for neighbor’s dog

41.   Donated old bike to a friend

42.   Visited grandmother in the nursing home

43.   Left new toys with a free note, at a playground

44.   Helped friends move into their new house

45.   Signed up to coach youth soccer

46.   Left flowers & lottery tickets on a random car

47.   Gave friends a lift in our car for a long road trip

48.   Held the open the door for everyone today

49.   Took care of other people’s kids

50.   Cut down on our carbon footprint by riding our bikes everywhere on vacation.

51.   Smiled and said hello to EVERYONE today

52.   Made several positive comments on websites today

53.   Gave a Subway gift card to a cashier we liked

54.   Put a roll of pennies near a fountain with a sign that read “Free Wishes”

55.   Donated money to school supplies charity by rounding up to the dollar during a purchase

56.   Helped take care of my little cousin

57.   Refrained from all gossip and spoke positive of everyone today

58.   Visited family at the Children’s hospital

59.   Gave Blood

60.   Wrote a thank you letter to my aunt and grandparents for having me to their houses

61.   Ran for a charity

62.   Made a little girl’s day by donating a bag of shoes to her

63.   Took blankets, dog & cat food to an animal shelter

64.   Collected Box Tops for education

65.   Clicked for a cause  - http://nicethingstodo.net/freeclicksites.html

66.   Donated back to school supplies to the Boys and Girls club @ Wal-Mart

67.   Surprised my father by making him a lunch to take to work

68.   Emailed quotes and saying to friends &family, that made me think of them

69.   Left inspirational notes in different places

70.   Gave someone a boat ride

71.   No complaining today

72.   Complimented people today

73.   Made a special breakfast for my daughter & her friends

74.   Spent quality time with someone special....daddy/daughter time

75.   Gave someone a ride when they needed it

76.   Invited my parents to our house for a turkey dinner for no reason

77.   Had fun time with family & friends...perfect end of summer

“Anything’s possible if you’ve got enough nerve.” – J.K. Rowling

 

It’s official, I completed my first 5K obstacle course/mud race and I didn’t DIE or come in last.  I said 5K right, 3.1 miles for us Americans?  Come to find out my first 5K race was actually 3.8miles, or at least that is what I heard.  How dare they sneak an extra  0.7miles into my first race.   I’ve never been an over achiever, but damn, maybe I am?  Back in May I blogged about an Eleanor Roosevelt quote that read, “You must do things you think you cannot do.”  For me the thing that I just couldn’t do was run, so being the foolish person I am, I signed myself up for the Vino and Beast 5K race.  I was determined to prove myself wrong, tell that negative person in my head, that I could do it.  I am so proud to say I tamed the Beast.

As in all facets of my life, I plan events months in advance figuring I’ve got time to prepare for them, and then the day sneaks up on me and I realize I’m NOT nearly ready.  That is how this past Saturday was for me.  I knew that I attempted to train for the race, ran some here and there and even felt good about myself for taking a crack at it.  But when I woke up Saturday morning, I wished I ran further, trained harder and NEVER signed up for the asinine race in the first place.  It was indeed too late; there was no way of cramming for this test.  The anxiety was killing me, and to add insult to injury, I had to wait until the afternoon to race.  I had myself all worked up but this was my idea and there was no turning back.   I’m lots of things but a quitter isn’t one of them.  Having my friends and family around for support helped me realize that I just had to get up the nerve and push through it.  Given that this was a personal goal that I thought I would never be able to obtain, my plan was to just complete the race and hopefully NOT DIE trying.  Signing the race waiver, made my fears that much more a reality when it said it was possible I could die.  Who needs to read that when you are already sure you could be taking a ride in an ambulance during the course of the race?  I’m so happy I was wrong and the negative thoughts in my head were just that, in my head and not a reality.

As I stood at the starting line, I was scared to DEATH but energized with so much fear that I knew I had to do it.    One of the most unnerving moments of my life was when I watched the clock hit 4:25PM, my start time.  I thought my heart might bound out of my chest and then as soon as I crossed the starting line all the apprehension left my body and I was off on a new and inspiring adventure.  I kept up with my chums and other half for about 30 seconds (really it was about 30 seconds or maybe even a minute), at that time I realized I wasn’t going to be able to keep up that rate, so I watched them all fade into the distance, seeing nothing but the backs of their heads.  Once I was all by my lonesome I set my pace, soaked up the atmosphere and just told myself that I could do it.  I am so proud to say that I finished the race and I completed it all, unlike many that I saw along the way skipping obstacles.  I didn’t set any land speed records and if I lived in Kenya, they would think I was a disgrace but what is essential to me is that I can say I completed the entire race and even beat around 100 people.  I am delighted to say I threw myself over culvert pipes , wooden walls and numerous bales of hay.  I climbed a Marine style teepee net.  I ran through muddy corn fields and vineyards.   I jumped in a good old fashioned sack race.  I climbed over tires.  I swam in a cold grubby pond and pulled myself out with merely a rope.  I army crawled in sludge under wires.  And I climbed to the top of a inclined wall with only a rope (the picture is from that obstacle) all while exhausted from running a 5K.  I can say I did all of that.  There is nothing better than knowing I didn’t give up.   I completed something I thought wasn’t possible for me.  During the race, I told myself that if anyone asks me to do this again next year, I would rather have a pencil shoved into my eye, but as soon as I was done; all I can say is WOW, the feeling of completing something is a total rush, a feeling that might become addicting.

The famous author J.K Rowling once said, “Anything’s possible if you’ve got enough nerve.”  No words could be truer; the only obstacle stopping us from doing what we want is ourselves.  If you had asked me last year at this time or anytime in my life, to run a 5K, I would have laughed, in your face.  I would have made up a million excuses and told you that I couldn’t do it.  Here I am now, a FINISHER.  I ran 3.1 miles (correction 3.8 miles) and pushed myself through obstacles fit for a Marine.    There is truly NO better feeling than finishing something you NEVER thought you could do.  It’s all about pushing yourself further than you want to be pushed and having enough nerve to do it.   Not only did I want to prove to myself that I could in fact do this but there is no lesson that you can teach your children better than by example.  The life lesson that I can now tell my daughter is to challenge yourself to do things you don’t want to, are scared to death to do or think you can’t and it’s NOT just lip service anymore, I’m leading by example.

Even though I crossed a finished line the other day, I hope that my race to try new things is just beginning.   I plan to look at the end of one race as the start of another.  I hope to continue my journey to push myself this coming year.  I know I must be batty because I intend to sign up again next year and I am even considering running a couple of other 5K races throughout the year.  I’m still NOT a runner and I can without a shadow of a doubt say I still HATE running.  I would however say I was willing to push myself further than my comfort zone and I am a better person because of it.   It’s all about having the nerve to do it.  What have you always wanted to do but thought you couldn’t?  What do you have to lose?  If you think you can’t do something, you are wrong.  Put on your big girl panties and dig deep for your nerve, you won’t be disappointed.   All of your dreams and goals are truly possible, if you have the nerve to try.

I ran in honor of Gianna, a very special 1 year old, who I know will find her nerve to beat (the Beast) Cancer.
  

“A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it.” – Robert Orben

My feet are kicked up, the air conditioning is blaring and I don’t have a care in the world because I’m on vacation.  This week we are in the Outer Banks of North Carolina enjoying a vacation with a great group of friends.  I like to think of myself as someone who has done a fair amount of traveling but I’ve never been to the Outer Banks and I’m so glad we are here.   If you’ve never been, you should put it on your bucket list of places to go.  In my opinion, it’s one of the best family vacation spots on the east coast.  The area of the OBX that we are in has house after house of huge three story rental homes near the beach that accommodate multiple families, which is what we have choose to do.

I must say it’s interesting to bring four different families together (all of us friends of course) and throw us all in a house, talk about a social experiment.  Four different ways of raising kids, grocery shopping, sleep patterns, dietary habits, and just basic ways of doing EVERYTHING, with one common interest, having an incredible vacation with our kids.  We have four different families comprised of seven adults and eight kids ranging in ages from two all the way to fifteen.   Being in this big house together feels a little bit like the show “Big Brother” meets “19 Kids and Counting.”  After we worked out a few kinks and  had some growing pains, I think we have figured it all out and are having a GREAT time.  I must say we have a really great group of kids and the adults are ok too, I guess.

Robert Orben said it best about vacations when we said, “A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it.”  I would say besides the eight noisy kids (ok, in all fairness the 15 year old is quiet) in our house, this is one of the more relaxing family vacations we have ever taken.  One whole week with NOTHING and I mean nothing to do, no expectations, no schedules, no plans.  Of course we are having some wonderful new experiences and still go to bed every night dog tired.  My stance on this week has been to not plan anything and so far, it’s worked.  My brain is officially on vacation.  It’s nice to get up in the morning and not have your whole day planned, it’s how every vacation should be.

One of the happiest things for me to do in life is to be by or near the water and this week is no exception.  Being by the ocean is always so refreshing and rejuvenating to me, besides going to bed with sand in your ears, teeth and many places that just don’t need to be talked about.  I love to see the kids in bathing suits and flip flops all day, with the sea salt in their hair and a boogie board under there arm, just like real beach bums, walking to the beach.  The beach brings out the kid in everyone.  It’s awesome to watch the amazing dads we have with us sit with the kids and build sand castles, the grown-ups body surfing in the rough night time surf or the look on everyone’s face when they catch a crab on the beach at night.  Priceless moments that you can only have at one of my favorite places, the beach.

I’m sitting out on the 3^rd floor deck tonight finishing up this blog from the other day and I have the whole house to myself.  Being by myself always centers me and makes me listen to my inner thoughts.  I’m enjoying the light ocean breeze, smell of the salt in the air and the sounds of crickets.  My hair is full of ocean salt and sand from the beach, I’m not sure if I showered today, my thighs are chaffed, skin is burned, my back is sore and I’m definitely lacking sleep from a long night of fun but as I listen to my inner thoughts, the only thing going through my head is, how did I get so lucky?

As I look out into our community, there is house after house full of families that are getting to experience this truly beautiful place.  This vacation hasn’t been perfect but I’m so glad I’ve been able to share this experience with my two favorite people in the whole world and a boat load of really GREAT friends.   I hope you and your families are as fortunate as mine and are able to share an amazing vacation this summer with great people.  If you can’t get away to somewhere like the OBX, treat every day like it’s a vacation and de-stress yourself from the craziness of the daily grind.  We have a few more days left in this vacation and my plan is to not plan anything, go where the wind blows me, and take home stories and memories that will always be with me.   On that note I’m finishing up my bog entry because I have nothing to do and the rest of the day to do it.

"We come to love not by finding a perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." – Sam Keen

Given that, this week marks my 11^th wedding anniversary with my husband, I reckoned it was a good time to talk marriage.  I’m clearly not a relationship expert but I feel I’ve earned my stripes and can speak on the subject with some knowledge or at least tell you my perspective.  This year my husband and I will have been together nearly half of our lives, 18 years to be exact (as I tap it out on the keys, I still can’t believe we’re that old).  Certain days it hardly seems feasible that we have been together that long, other days I barely remember my life before him.  Either way I look at it, it’s been an awesome ride that I’m buckled in for and not getting off anytime soon. 

I read an article the other day about a couple born on the same day, eloped in their teens, married for 75 years that died a day apart.  Can you say fate?  That’s just weird, right?   Isn’t this really the best case scenario for any marriage?   Living a long fulfilling life with someone you love that you never have to watch suffer.   75 years of marriage, I hope to make it there one day.  Wouldn’t it be great if there were a formula to follow?    Unfortunately there is no cookie cutter way to make a marriage work.  Every relationship is different, some last the test of time, while others only a few minutes.   With the divorce rate over 50%, the idea of marriage can be daunting.  I say, if it works for you, run with it.  I do feel marriage need to be selfless.  Many marriages stop working because the couple thinks it will always be like when they first met but relationships fizzle out and you have to constantly work at them, like it’s your job.  If it means you have to do things you don’t want to, so be it.   Ah, the things we do for love, that could be its own separate blog entry.  I do know that if you make your marriage a priority and don’t give up, you can make it.

I try not to judge anyone else’s relationship, as you never know the inner workings them.  It has been my observation that the marriages that I thought would last forever, the ones that seemed almost perfect, ended and the ones that seemed to be a crazy match and should never last more than a year are still going.  No rhyme or reason, remember?   If I was to impart my wisdom, the only thing I am certain of is that marriage is hard and takes work; constantly changing and evolving.   However if you choose the right person to be by your side it’s one of the easiest and most remarkable experiences of life.  

Relationships are forever transforming; some for the good, some for the bad, but if you are committed to working together and roll with the punches you can get through anything.  I know that I have chosen the right person to do that with and I knew it 18 years ago, when we met.  Any guy who would volunteer to sit with a girl who was throwing up (clearly from intoxication) for a bus ride all the way from Buffalo to St. Louis, is a keeper.  By the way, I threw up 16 times during that trip and he still married me.   My husband is such a NICE guy; he was the only person that was willing to sit with me.  Fate, who knows?  I knew back then how great he was but I was a little unsure that he was the perfect fit for me, at that time.  What did I know, I was only 18 years old? 

A great quote by Sam Keen says, “We come to love not by finding a perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.”  That 18 year old who didn’t think we were the perfect match, might have been right.  He wasn’t perfect but I’m so glad I gave it a try and found out perfect is all in how you look at it.  Perfection is for pin up calendars and chick flicks not for relationships.  When you fall in love you look past all the imperfections and love the hell out of the perfection in front of you, or at least that is what I did.  So my husband burps loud, licks his plate at the dinner table, doesn’t match his clothes right, and isn’t getting calls from Vogue for cover shoots.  He is so much more than a pretty face anyway.  Come to find out perfect is someone that is there for you, holds your hand, attempts to understand you, supports you no matter what, kisses you goodnight, takes care of your children and is committed to you every day.   So if you are still looking for that perfect person, stop and know that perfect isn’t out there.  You have to give someone a chance and see if you can live with all their perfect imperfections.  I consider myself lucky to have found my perfect and I love the hell out of him. 

I would like to say special thank you to my parents and my in-laws for showing us the way.  Your commitment to your marriages hasn’t gone without notice.  Through all your ups and downs you have shown us the importance of the vows that we took 11 years ago.  You have exhibited that there is no such thing as perfect, just hard work and loyalty.  Thanks for being our role models. 

To my best friend and my husband you are my everything. (Too much? I know cheesy, right? Sounds like a Hallmark moment.)  Thank you for being you, not taking life too serious with me and making me smile every single day.  You have given me more than I could have possibly imagined.  Eleven years of marriage down and our love and respect for one another seems stronger than when we first met.  I’m really lucky I choose my best friend to be by my side.  I get to start and end each day with a man that is kind, caring, considerate, easy going, hardworking, supportive, immature and equipped with the best sense of humor anyone could ask for.  That’s really our secret.  He makes me laugh and laugh and laugh. I’ve said it so many times before, laughter is the KEY.  It’s what keeps me going and grounded, in all aspects of my life.   I am so glad I have you by my side, you are the Beavis to my Butthead (yeah, I said it; we really don’t take life too serious …it works for us).   Thank you for seeing the perfect in my imperfections, making me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world and loving all my flaws.  You are a good man and you deserve everything you want out of life and I hope to be by your side for it all. Happy Anniversary.  I love you with all my heart.   The last 11 years of marriage have taught me that it doesn’t matter where you go in life; it’s who is by your side. 

 

"In the eyes of a child you will see the world as it should be." – Unknown

 

It dawned on me the other day that my daughter is partaking one of the most brilliant summers of her life.  Each and every summer is distinct and diverse but this one seems to be rather amazing, with loads of friends, oodles of family and tons of summer fun and we are only halfway through it.  If summer was to end today, I would say it’s been a decent one.  I won’t bore you with all the details but suffice to say she is one lucky eight year old.  I know my daughter won’t possible remember it all, in years to come, but I like to think that all the little bits and pieces of her experiences will add up to magnificent memories that will make her who she is to become someday.  I’ve heard folks say that kids are too young to recollect occurrences so why bother doing things with them until they are old enough to remember.   I completely disagree.  I like to think that somewhere deep down every experience big or small makes you who you are, even if your memory doesn’t recall it, and I feel your experiences live with you forever.

As a mother, I want my child to do it all and see it all, experience as much as possible and because of this our summer has been jammed packed with goodies.  With all the planning and great ideas, I can’t help but notice that some of the most enjoyable times have been the impromptu encounters, the ones that are thrown together last minute.  Like the other night at the lake, where we went to take a quick dip, on a muggy summer night.  A completely normal occasion, nothing special, or was it?  Watching my daughter swim and splash around, in the lake, with all the freedom of the world was indeed priceless.   She played and swam about with her friends and had the time of her life.  Just the water and a dock…no toys, no money, no elaborate plans, just good old summer fun with buddies.  As I observed the kids jumping off the dock, giggling up a storm at themselves without a care in the world, I knew in that moment I was observing the most beautiful sound ever created, children’s laughter.  If we could bottle that sound and listen to it when we are having a rough time, the world might be a better place.  Who doesn’t smile when they hear laughter?   Laughter is by far my favorite sound in life, I’m glad I was able to stop and live in that moment. That quick trip to the lake was how life should be, simple but so very special.   I got to watch kids being kids and that might be one of the most delightful things, in the whole wide world.

A quote I found, says it best, “In the eyes of a child you will see the world as it should be.”  Kids have a way of putting life back into perspective.  We should all take a lesson from our kids and understand that it’s the simple things that mean the most.  I know myself, I am always trying to one up things, go bigger or better than the last time, which can be good because we are constantly seeing and doing new things but I forget it’s the simple things that are unsurpassed.  This summer we have had many adventures but the least planned and cheapest ones have been some of the best.  Adults always complicate and overthink but children see beauty in the smallest things. I love to see kids frolicking in nature and making something fun out of what appears to be nothing.  It’s inspiring to me see a child use their brains and surroundings to create happiness.  It’s truly refreshing to see kids being kids, especially in this age of instant gratification and high speed electronics; it’s hard to be content when things are moving so fast.  It’s hard to stop and just live in the moment. 

Hopefully this summer, you will make the time to stop for a moment, sit back and watch children’s creative minds at work while they enjoy the simple things of life.  Most adults lose the ability to see the world as it should be, we get so busy and caught up in our schedules and plans that we forget to just have fun.  Remember kids don’t need to have the very best of everything; they need to have time to play and be kids, let their imaginations run wild and explore new things.  Through this they see the world as it should be; pure, simple and fun.  Learn from our kids, stop planning every moment, and enjoy the simplicity and exuberance of life!  If you listen long enough you might even get to hear the best sound in the world, laughter. We all need to think a little less and live a little more.  Take some time to remember what it is like to be a kid so you will see the world as it should be.

 

“Don’t Let Your Struggle Become Your Identity.”

This particular blog entry is hard for me to write.  I am obviously open to writing about myself and the things going on, in my life, but I’m not sure where to begin.  This one feels almost too personal.   I’m going to do it anyway, enough is enough, there is no real graceful way to start, so here goes.  I am what a person with an invisible illness looks like.   I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, an auto immune disease, 6 years ago at the age of 30.   Several people around me, still to this day, don’t even know I have UC, like I said it’s invisible and difficult to bring up in conversation, at a dinner party.

I know the majority of you are thinking, what is Ulcerative Colitis?  Most people have no clue what UC is, (I know I didn’t when I was diagnosed) so I guess I should enlighten you.  I will just convey a quick overview and if you are interested in ascertaining more, Google it.  Ulcerative Colitis is a form of Irritable Bowel Disease (IBD) that affects the large intestine.  It is commonly confused with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) a much less serious condition.  Colitis is part of the Crohn’s family, which is more commonly understood, both Crohn’s and Colitis have similar characteristics.   Here comes the gross part.   Ulcerative Colitis presents symptoms of diarrhea, cramping pain, blood and mucus, in addition for me; it affects frequency, urgency, control and consistency (Fun, right?).  UC can go into remission for extended periods of time or present itself in flares on a regular basis.  There is no real rhyme or reason at all, as to what causes a flare, which makes this disease exceedingly stressful. Foods do not cause flare ups but controlling diet can help when symptoms occur.  Oh, and there is no cure, so most likely I will deal with this the rest of my life.  I promise I’m getting to the inspiring and positive part.  It sounds so uplifting so far, doesn’t it?

I read this great quote a long time ago and it has always stuck with me, “Don’t Let Your Struggle Become Your Identity.”  I couldn’t find out whose quote this was but I agree with it wholeheartedly.  It’s real easy to get into the why me slump.  Who doesn’t at some point in time?  We always think we’ve got it so bad when in fact someone else, somewhere else has it so much worse than you do.  I’m not perfect and I do let myself go to the why me place but I try my best to only make a quick stop.  After I get done feeling sorry for myself, and I do, I normally step back and tell myself, I will make it through this.  I have been diagnosed with a disease not a death sentence; it’s my cross to bear.  I also do my best to put it in perspective and realize in the past, I have endured unimaginable pain and embarrassment and lived to tell about it.  I get stronger and more knowledgeable with each flare up, that’s got to count for something.  I am however determined to not let my struggle become who I am!  It is merely a part of me, just like where I live or what I like to do but it does not make me who I am.  So no matter what the future holds for me, I am determined to keep fighting my own personal battle with UC and have hope that one day I won’t have to know where every bathroom is.

I would never claim to be an expert on UC, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express once.  All kidding aside, I have stood around and listened to people feel sorry for me, misunderstand the disease and try to tell me what they believe is the cure, everyone’s got a diet that will cure it.  I know people are trying to genuinely help but for the most part I have read it all and tried many different things, everyone is different and in fact there is no magic pill or diet.  It’s a daily challenge that each person affected by this illness has to understand for themselves.  What I would like to tell people is, just be there for me when I call on you and need you.  Understand that sometimes I can be perfectly fine one minute and balled up in the fetal position, on the toilet the next.  Know that I could be very sick even though I look fine. Don’t tell me, that you know what I’m going through, because the 24 hour flu you experienced isn’t the same.  Also know that weight gain is a factor for me when I take steroids, just know it’s not fun and I don’t need to know, how good or bad I look.  Overall, I just want to be treated normally.  Please don’t worry about the foods I eat, don’t make me try something I don’t want or don’t tell me that my problem will go away if I eat better.  Most importantly, NEVER ask me to wait to go to the bathroom, pull the car over or help me find the closest bathroom NOW, if there isn’t a bathroom nearby help me come up with a way to improvise but NEVER ask me to wait. 

Why am I writing this now, after 6 years?   I’m writing this to bring more awareness to UC and to let others with their own crosses to bear know that it’s ok to talk about it.  If I can talk about my bowels, nothing is off limits, in my mind. Bringing your problem into the light is the only way to make others truly understand.  I’m also writing about it right now, because honestly it’s on my mind.  I’ve made several trips to the bathroom, just while writing this blog as I am in the middle of a flare up.   After months of jumping through hoops and getting on the proper medication, I believe I’m starting to feel better.  It’s early in my recuperating, but I remain optimistic, it’s all I can do.  I will tell you that I’m not letting up or stopping my usual routine, I just keep pushing through.  A good example of my determination to press on and be normal materialized the other day when I was playing in my softball league.  I didn’t imagine I would be able to make it through this particular game, I was experiencing a lot of pain caused by my flare up and I started to panic because there wasn’t a bathroom in sight.  I improvised; I had to take my wipes to a wooded area (it’s in a city, so you can imagine it was no forest and not ideal).  This type of thing is not for everyone and I understand but after you have messed your pants, in public, you learn to be creative and do what’s necessary to make it though.   Point being, I can make it through any circumstance and so can you.  I refuse to lock myself up in my house and sulk; I just wear my flare up on my sleeve and get on with things. I played the whole softball game thinking I could do it, prayed I would get through it and I did.   Positivity really does go a long way. 

The biggest thing I have learned over the last 6 years and would tell anyone suffering through this silent illness is to talk about it.  Stop the silence, how can people know about what we are going through, if we keep quiet about it.  Make people around you understand and don’t down play it.  I know…I know no one wants to talk about poop but it’s a fact of life and everybody’s doing it.   People who matter in your life will try to understand your struggle and if someone is bothered by it, shame on them for being so insensitive.  My hope for the future is that my disease will come out of the dark and finally be discussed just like all the others.  The more people talk about it the more of a chance that one day there will be a cure.  No matter what your struggle is in life, know that it’s not as bad as it seems, in the moment.  Take a deep breath, talk about it with those around you and know that you will get through it.  It’s only a small part of you, don’t give it more power than it deserves and don’t let it become who you are.  Never give up.  It’s like they always say, you don’t know what someone is going through until you walk in their shoes.  So remember to be sensitive to others, just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there.