“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Picture this, you are driving an enormous delivery truck down a tight swarming inter city street, people and traffic a plenty, with high gusty winds, six other passengers aboard critiquing your every move, regurgitating memorized company policies word for word, sporting oversized men’s pants (side note: you are not a man), respecting the rules of the road, being interrogated with enquires that your brain is just blanking out on, grinding gears and attempting  not to run over anyone or anything.  Sound like something you would like to do?  Yeah, me neither.  Not too many individuals find themselves in this predicament.   A few weeks ago, I would have thought that this was the beginning of a bad dream, but I couldn’t wake up from this one because it was indeed my reality.   It seems I am finding myself in new surroundings, experiencing moments  I would have never imagined, stepping out of my comfort zone,  all while pushing myself to limits I couldn’t even envision I was capable of achieving and I couldn’t be happier.

I’ve had numerous accomplishments in my life, and quite commonly I discover myself looking back at them with wonder.  Wonder how I got through that, wonder how I messed that up, wonder why that happened, wonder what comes next?  My head is constantly bursting with wonder.   I’ve spent hours upon hours rehashing my past, to figure out how I got where I am, and correspondingly trying to calculate what comes next. There are days when I can’t help but look back at all of my successes and mistakes and wonder how the hell I ended up where I am.  We all do it, it’s human nature.  We all strive to learn from our past and plan out the perfect life ahead.   I have been tested more times that I care to admit and I have squandered countless hours struggling to figure everything out.    I’ve looked back at my misfortunes, smiled as I thought about all that I’ve achieved and still have had no freaking clue what it all means.  It has been an ongoing crusade for me and it’s draining.  I continually feel like everyone else has it all figured out and I’m solely left hanging out in the wind wondering.  I have dedicated so much time pondering, thinking and pontificating in that wonder that I can safely say, I was getting nowhere, driving myself round the bend and ruining the world around me.   For one reason or another I recently opted to merely live.  Disregard the wonder, embrace what comes my way and stop trying to figure it all out.  So I have purloined a new stance on life, albeit a little cliché, I adopted the YOLO approach, you only live once.  I know, I know, it’s cheesy (my eyes are rolling as I write it) but it has taken me into directions I would have in no way gone just sitting back wondering my life away.   I am learning to purely undergo life, and see where it carries me. Nowadays, when an opportunity presents itself, I do it, period.  It’s that simple, because you never know where it will lead you.  Instead of packing your noodle with justifications or pretext as why it can’t be done or that it will not work, I am striving to, in the words of Nike, “Just do it.”   Thus far I’ve been dumbfounded by what I am capable of and I’ve only just begun.

A quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson was brought to my attention recently, “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”   Really let that one sink in, for there are no truer words.  Until you genuinely tap into what you are capable of, you will NEVER know your abilities and at no time arrive at your potential.   From time to time it feels like the matters we have been through or experiences that are looming are overpowering.  By nature we don’t like to force ourselves out of our comfort zone, it can be overwhelming.   However, this little bit of discomfort is inconsequential compared to what each and every one of us is equipped with on the inside.  As creatures of habit we tend to dwell on what we can’t understand, but each and every one of us has what it takes to push through anything and everything that comes into our path.  So all that wondering and over thinking about where I’ve been or where I’m going is but no matter.  What has materialized good or bad is the past.  And all that lies to the front, is nothing but minuscule concerns, because we are outfitted with what we need to figure it all out, as it comes.  It is the abilities and passion within us that slingshot us into our life’s trajectory.  You’ve heard it before but I’ll say it again, it’s all in the way you deal with what you are presented with.   Your character, your will and your attitude make each encounter worth something, not the tangible happenings we live through or are presented with; it is what is on the inside that will matter each and every time.  You NEVER know when that brand new experience will escort you to where you are intended to be.

Back to those constricted congested city streets, where I recently concluded  a weeks long training for a delivery driver job, the company to which I am associated will remain nameless; all I will say is that I look damn good in the color BROWN.  Who would have thought me, a self-proclaimed jack of all trades master of none and stay at home mom, a delivery driver?   Seriously?  All through my wondering, I would have NEVER and I mean NEVER guessed I would be doing this.  This fresh opportunity arose at the ideal time, and I proceeded my new YOLO attitude.   I would have for no reason expected the involvements I would have, the people I would connect with, and the challenges conquered.  I can hardly believe that I have only laid the foundation for this latest adventure and I can only imagine where it will lead me.  One thing is for sure, I’m embarking on this episode of my life with all the tools I could possibly need to reach success, and you can’t see any of them from the outside.  I’ve never aspired to drive a truck or deliver packages, but my open mindedness to this experience made me excel at a task I would have never envisioned doing, making it that much more special.  No matter if this is my new lifelong career or another passing whim; I am a more accomplished person for giving it a go.  I dug deeper than I have had to in a long time, pushed myself further than I wanted to be pushed and did things I never thought I was able to do.  Who knew it was inside me all along?  It was all about my attitude, my willingness to try and learn something new that got me through.  Wearing ugly men’s drawers and slipping gears in the hood, the only female among men, while someone shouted questions at me and yammered on non-stop about detail after detail of my maneuvering, was honestly a challenge.  It fried my nerves but I never told myself I couldn’t do it.  I took myself to a whole new place, I didn’t know even existed.  I had to memorize and resight word for word company policies and procedures while driving.  Up until recently, my inner voice would have notified me there was NO WAY I could do any of that.  My memory is horrible and most days I feel like I’m one step away from the Alzheimer’s disease, so to say that this task was out of my wheelhouse is an understatement.  I’m here to tell if I can do that, I can do anything and so can you.   It wasn’t easy by any stretch of the imagination but I did it.   On day two, I received one of the only 100% grades in the class, and from that point forward I knew that I could do anything, as long as I kept telling myself I could.  With passion, positivity and some god given talent ANYTHING and I do mean ANYTHING is possible.  I am proof of this. 

There isn’t really any better feeling that being proud of yourself, it propels you to want to do more, be better and push yourself to new heights.  That feeling is contagious and can’t be stopped.  Of course new experiences are grueling and intimidating but in the end they are the most gratifying because they didn’t come easy.  It’s in those times we grow and become who we are supposed to be, not in the times we play it safe.  I get that everyone has doubt and wonder, just don’t let that rule your mind.  Step outside of your comfort zone, push yourself to new limits and be the VERY BEST you know how to be.  It’s that easy.  Don’t give up on yourself, try new things and enjoy the things you are presented with because you never know when the next YOLO incident will change your life.  It is mind-boggling the potential we hold inside ourselves.  We are already equipped with what we need to get through whatever comes next, those situations are no match for all that lies within us, this I know to be true.  My latest involvement on the city streets is proof that if you believe in yourself, the little voice inside your head and heart, that reflection looking back at you in the mirror will make it all possible.  What lies within us is the most powerful device we have. Tell yourself without a question of a doubt, that you know you are resilient enough to get through whatever life throws at you.  I will always wonder, it’s just who I am.  Only now I wonder why I wasted so much time worrying and wonder what I will be presented with tomorrow that I will accomplish.