Inspire the Positive

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

“When you find yourself on a plateau, look for another level.” - Nido R. Qubein

It feels like an eternity since I last blogged. I have oodles of ideas running through my noodle and I’m not sure on which route my brain will take me. For now, I’ll just transcribe whatever comes to mind and get the cobwebs out; hopefully it’s not a jumbled mess. Last time I wrote, it was the middle of the bitter frozen winter, thank god that’s behind us. Let’s flip the calendar a few months ahead. Here we are, smack dab in the heart of spring. The birds are singing, the grass is growing too rapid for my taste already and the dazzling color is back, in our world. Spring is here, the sights of the gorgeous cherry blossoms, the whiff of lilacs and freshly cut grass, it’s digging in dirt, longer days and nights and kids playing outside. The world around me has come alive after a dreadfully long stagnation. Once the spring air moves in, it breathes new life into a worn-out and drab world, winter has been left behind and with that comes inspiration. Spring makes me feel regenerated and charged up. I can only hope this spring, is my moment for inspiration, a fresh start.

On a completely different note, this past week Barbara Walters finally retired, after 50 years in broadcasting. She was a genuine trailblazer for women, achieving so much in her lengthy career; her accolades seem like an impossibility for most human beings. With the press talking all things Barbara, my first thought when watching it all was, WOW! How can one person be such a pioneer, having a career with countless extraordinary moments and I can’t even figure out what I want to do today? While being honored she spoke about her legacy. She didn’t include all those incredible moments of interviews of dignitaries, famous and infamous people and celebrities. She believes her legacy is being a visionary, a ground breaker paving the way for other women in the industry. I think she is spot on! She is a true living legend for ALL women, someone we all aspire to be like.

Observing all of her accomplishments made me think, what am I doing with my life? The quote I read this morning by Nido R. Qubein, on my quote of the day calendar, read, “When you find yourself on a plateau, look for another level.” This quote made me think, does someone like Barbara Walters ever hit a plateau? I couldn’t help but delve into my own existence and reflect. I’ve been struggling to figure out what I want to do with my life, for a few years now, (Hell, I’ve been doing it my whole life) aside from being the best damn mom and wife I can be. I’m not sure if any of you can relate but when I opted to stay home to raise my daughter, I put my mommy cap on and threw my professional woman fedora out the window. My daughter will be nine years old next month and it’s about time I figure out what’s next for me? Being at home as a mom, is a lot like “The Tale of Two Cities.” “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. “ I’ve been there for everything and I mean EVERYTHING, the good, the bad and the ugly. My time card doesn’t get punched at 5PM and I don’t get to decompress on my commute home. It’s a job I can’t get fired from and the pay SUCKS! I’m not complaining I’ve just realized I’ve hit my plateau. Please don’t take me the wrong way, it’s been an exceptional opportunity in my life and I have been blessed to be there for EVERYTHING in my daughter’s life. I wouldn’t change any of it for the world; I just know it’s time for me to start looking to another level.

As I get closer to my 40s, I can’t help but notice I’m at an age where I thought I would have all my shit together. When I was a teenager, I looked at my parents and others my parents’ age and just presumed they knew what they were doing. Now, thinking back, I would be around that age and I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. Sure I have a home, a husband and a beautiful daughter, accomplishments that I am SO VERY proud to say are mine but why do I feel so inadequate? I’m so VERY fortunate to have a supportive husband, he is my rock and is always there supporting me through every facet of life. I approached him awhile back about getting back out into the workforce, finding a different career or something that interests me. He said to me, figure out what you want to do and wherever it is, we can go and do it! Who doesn’t want to hear that? He is amazing, but that concept scares the shit out of me. Oh my god, the pressure! What do I want to do? It’s such a loaded question. How many people are really doing what they want to do? Most of us fall into a job or career and stay there because we are content or have to pay the bills. I’m lucky in that I have choices but with all the choices of the world, what should I do? I’d be happy doing lots of things, but this is my big chance to do whatever I want to. So why is it taking me so damn long to figure it out?? While riding in the car the other day, my husband (you know that extremely supportive guy) said to me, that I put up roadblocks whenever I come up with an idea. Was he right? I always hated people like that, one excuse or another why something can’t be done. Have I become that person? I have come to the conclusion, he might be right. Please keep this quiet and don’t tell him, I’ll never hear the end of it! I always say things like,” I don’t have enough experience doing that, You need a degree to do that, I’m too old for that or I’m not good at that.” All EXCUSES!

What is holding me back? I think my self-worth went out the window with my career hat all those years ago, being just mom can do that to you. Where did my confidence go? I’m still the same person who never let anything get in my way and thought I could conquer the world. The world hasn’t stopped moving, yet I feel like I’ve stayed still. We hear success story after success story of young twenty year olds like Facebook’s Mark Zukerberg who made it big at a ridiculously early age and took his success all the way to the Forbes list. Stories like his, tend to make me think I’m no longer of any value the older I get. When in reality that couldn’t be further from the truth. We all have so much more to offer the older we get, living and learning, in the school of life. I think sometimes I forget that. You are never too old to set another goal or dream another dream. To prove that, I looked up some success stories from individuals who were older when they reached their achievements. Who knows maybe they didn’t know what they wanted to do either, before they found what they were meant to do? Here goes. Sam Walton started Wal-Mart at age 43. Neil Armstrong was 16 days from his 40th birthday when he stepped on the moon. Harland Sanders, best known as "Colonel Sanders" was 62 when he opened his first Kentucky Fried Chicken location. Mark Twain hit his stride in his forties, and was 49 when "Huckleberry Finn" was published. Lucille Ball was 40 when she started acting in “I Love Lucy.” Leonardo da Vinci was in his forties when he did the Last Supper and his fifties when he completed the Mona Lisa. Claude Monet was in his sixties when he did his "Water Lilies" painting, and the list goes on and on.

So if you think you are at the age where you should have your shit together and you don’t. Don’t stress, it’s NEVER too late to get started on the things you want to do. I’m challenging anyone reading this, to figure out if you are still climbing the mountain or if you are standing on a plateau? Spring is the time for new. Push yourself up that mountain or climb a new peek. Try something that scares the shit out of you, get your mojo back, and start fresh. If you think you can’t and you make excuses or put up roadblocks like me, imagine you are the best version of you that is possible. Remember that is who you really are, throw away any part of you that doesn’t believe that. So this spring when I come up with an idea, I’m not going to let myself get in my own way, no more roadblocks! It has been said that man's most productive years are from age 40 to 55. Look out future here I come, my legacy is waiting for me. My future looks so bright, I’d better wear shades. Oh wait, that’s just the sun, I forgot what it looked like after that long winter! Seriously, I’m so very proud of my past but moving forward I hope to do more than just exist, I want to THRIVE!

Friday, February 7, 2014

The Dreaded Bathing Suit

Last month I had to do what we ALL dread. The worst possible thing EVER!! You guessed it; I had to put on a bathing suit. Ok, so perchance there are ghastlier things, but is there indeed anything worse for your self-confidence or self-worth? Ladies, I think NOT! I know, I know, you must think I’m so shallow, petty and one-dimensional. How could I worry about such a superficial thing? I know there are substantial problems for humankind, but self-esteem can be shattered that first time we have to put on the swimsuit. It’s really a big deal. We spend the majority of the winter months bundling up. If you are like me, we devote very little time looking; I mean really observing our bodies in the winter. When we are forced into our bathing suits we have no choice but to scrutinize. So let me tell you what I spotted when I put on my suit; my belly bulge (a few too many Christmas cookies, perhaps), white ashen dry skin (the sun hasn’t shined here in months and the air is so dry, it has a cough), cellulite thighs (my chub rub – you know the parts of the inside of the legs that chaff when you walk), thick deep stretch marks on my belly (thank you pregnancy), loads of FAT (that plump, pudgy stuff that shows up when you forgot to exercise) and wrinkles and sagging (I’m not getting any younger). You heard me right; there was nothing positive in what I witnessed. Don’t judge me; I’m sure I’m not alone in this self-confidence melee.

Subsequently spending voluminous hours people watching, at an indoor water park, I began thinking I’m not alone. Every Tom, Dick and Harry had their imperfections hanging out during the dreaded winter months, when our bodies may not be at their best. People watching ought to be considered a sport. The waterpark is by far the BEST place to observe populaces with nothing for them to hide behind but a few pieces of cloth. I saw, big butts, flabby tummies, cellulite, skinny gangly legs and arms, flat chests, tattooed and pierced parts, bye-bye arms, hairy backs, huge noses, gigantic chests, hairy armpits, (in women that is) wrinkles, ache, saggy boobs, rotund bodies, tiny frames, birthmarks, hunched over backs, wide hips, bulges where they weren’t meant to be, stretch marks, parts with scars, moles and blemishes….you name it, I saw it. There were no supermodel bodies to be found. A further observation was that most people don’t know how to use the assets they are given, ALMOST all of the individuals I saw choose the wrong style bathing suit for their body type. Even the best of the best had issues. Goes to show you a good number of us don’t have a stylist that follows us around.

Isn’t it uncanny that the Victoria Secret or Calvin Klein underwear model ideal only makes up a seriously small percentage of the general public but we seem to all deep down aspire to look this way. It’s what society is telling us is attractive. Let’s face it, at one time or another we are all envious of the angels, the Victoria Secret kind that is. But aren’t we setting ourselves up for failure? If the average size woman is a 14 and the run-of-the-mill bloke doesn’t have a six pack but more like a keg, what makes us think we can look like as good, in our underwear? Or more importantly why do we have these imagines in our faces telling us how we should look? I know that various companies are trying to push back on high fashion magazines with campaigns with “real” woman and some Hollywood stars have gone without makeup or airbrushing to see the “real” person but is it enough? With all the images that we catch sight of it’s hard to step back and just be pleased with what we have. I don’t condemn myself for wanting to be svelte with a flawless tan body, large boobs and an unblemished face. Who wouldn’t want to fasten on a pair of angel wings in their underwear and be the envy of the world, it sounds DREAMY! However most of us will never get to wear those wings, let’s face it, those models have hit the genetics lottery and the team of experts they have in tow doesn’t hurt their cause either. Ever notice that models don’t seem to have pores, blemishes, scars, wrinkles, lines, stretch marks or cellulite. Make-up covers their whole body and is dumped on them by the bucket. Most size 00 (double zero – can you believe that’s a real size?) body frames don’t come equipped with large perfect rounds breasts. That’s right the pushup bra or even plastic surgery has done WONDERS for those lean women with no boobs. Male bodies seem to be finding extra muscle groups that didn’t even exist years ago. I dare you to find an image of a male 25 years ago with chest and stomach muscles like so many guys in adverts today. Don’t even get me started on hair. Hair seems to be getting thicker and longer on women’s heads while disappearing on men’s bodies. Hair extensions are everywhere, no wonder my hair looks so limp, I need to have a weave in order to get my locks to look like the magazines. I guess the bottom line is, even those supermodels want to look like they do in those advertisements. They have been glammed up by a TEAM of experts and airbrushed to the perfect ideal we as society are allowing them to create. It’s all smoke and mirrors, an illusion, an ideal that isn’t what we are supposed to look like. So maybe we should go a little easier on ourselves, you think?

This is most certainly not just a woman’s problem, men face similar insecurities. I had an “aha moment” (like Oprah likes to say) when I read an article a while back about male supermodel David Gandy. In the article Gandy said, "In terms of my looks, I’m very self-critical: I hate my hair, my lips, my nose. And I can’t grow a full beard. People assume I think more of myself than I actually do.” If you’ve ever seen David Gandy you would know that there are gaggles of woman falling at his feet and plenty of men who dream to look like him, as they should, so what’s the problem David? Supermodel Kate Moss said "I never liked modeling. I wasn’t the prettiest girl in class. No breasts, short legs, gangly teeth. I didn’t think I was model material, that’s for sure.... I think they’re all right, my looks, now. But I’ve never seen myself as sexy or a side of myself that boys would like.” WHAT!!!!????? Tyra Banks hated her reflection in the mirror when she was young and even though she later became a supermodel, that insecure person lives inside her. Supermodel Christy Turlington doesn’t like to be photographed. Angelina Jolie, arguably the world’s most beautiful woman in Hollywood, stated in a magazine article, “I struggle with low self-esteem all the time. I think everyone does. I have so much wrong with me, it's unbelievable.” If these beautiful people struggle with self-image problems, I might as well hang it up right now!! These are some of the most attractive people in the world and they tussle with insecurities, just like us common folk. Goes to show you we shouldn’t put people up on a pedestal and praise them as being perfect. Goes to show you there isn’t a PERFECT! We all want what we don’t have; you know the grass is always greener. Skinny people want meat on their bones, fat people want to look thin, and people with long thin straight hair want short thick curls. We want what we can’t have. It never ends.

Will we ever be content? Doubt it! We are our own worst critic. Some of the most gorgeous people, the ones our society tells us to aspire to be, are some of the more self-conscious people while the larger “not perfect” people who seem to love what god gave them, flaunt what they’ve got. What’s that saying, “shake what your momma gave ya!” There is nothing and I mean nothing more beautiful than someone with confidence. Having said that, the quickest way to get over the upcoming bikini season is to simply put one on. In the words of Nike, “Just do it.” That is what I will be doing on my upcoming Caribbean vacation. I’m putting on the bikini and letting all my imperfections hang out. I’m not going to cover them up like I have all winter; I’m freeing myself of the shame of having something wrong with me. Get rid of your angel envy and love what you have, who cares what your imperfections are, know you are not alone and the sooner you are content with what you have, the sooner you have figured out what it’s all about. Empower yourself and stop worrying about the ideal that we all need to look like supermodels. That doesn’t mean let yourself go or stop aiming to be healthier, it means have fun with what you’ve got right now. Don’t squander your life wishing you had something else. If all those stunning people I mentioned have self-confidence issues, where does that leave the rest of us? The point is, we are ALL human and see our own imperfections, no matter how PREFECT others see us and we are only as beautiful as we see ourselves. Confidence is the most important asset one can have, isn’t that what we want to pass down to our children instead of those great genetics for the “prefect” body.

I know actions speak louder than words so I’m challenging myself again, (let’s face it, these are just words on a page until we do something about it and I’m all for becoming a better person) and I’m challenging you too! Here’s the challenge….take a picture of a body part you HATE, really look at it and then come up with SOMETHING (anything) upbeat to say about it.

This is really courageous of me, I don’t mind saying. It’s not easy to expose insecurities. So without further ado. I’m not a bikini person and have never been one, I can’t even remember the decade in which my stomach was flat and after having my daughter it got even worse. The pregnancy left loads of stretch marks across my stomach, in the last month of pregnancy. Not only did I battle with the extra blubber that comes along with giving birth, that to this day I’ve never lost, but now I have dark grooved scars all across my stomach. I spent years covering them all up and figured my bikini days were never going to be possible. So here is a picture of my stomach, one part of my body that I have always been ashamed of. When I look at the picture I still have hopes that one day I’ll get my ass to the gym and tighten it up but until then, I will look at those scars across my belly, and know that I earned them! Instead of looking at them as scars, I will look at them as souvenirs of one of the best times of my life. Without those stretch marks I wouldn’t have my daughter, it a small price to pay. So instead of being shamed into feeling the need to hide them, I say screw that, and I’m putting on my bikini and strutting my stuff, showing the world I’m a mother and proud of it. Life’s too short; love what you’ve got right here right now.

You can do it, please attach your pictures and comments on my blog. Empower yourself and show yourself and the world that it’s ok that you are NOT perfect and love yourself anyways. I know it’s easier to say it then truly do it. I know I’ll never be completely content about my looks, I’m human, but we can at least look at things through different eyes. Instead of finding only the flaws, look a little deeper you might be surprised with what you find. Now that I’ve got my bikini on, where did I put those wings?

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

10 Dazzling Ideas to DEFEAT the Dreaded Down in the Dumps Depressing Time of Year

The decorations are down, the cookies have all been eaten, the presents have all been played with and put away, the scale is registering a number that seems impossible, the wind and snow are blowing and the credit cards bills are higher than we’d like. Yes, Folks, it’s January. We spend considerable time with the anticipation of the holidays. It ends up taking on a life of its own, giving us something to look forward to when the leaves have fallen off the trees and the snow starts coming down. For most of us, it’s a joyful time of year a time for family, friends, gift giving, indulgence and first-rate parties. But as soon as January 2^nd comes around the weather outside becomes bitter, we are closed in the house and there are no whopping celebrations to look forward to, so NOW WHAT?

I must admit the subsequent months ahead are always roughest for me. Cheerfulness, which is already not as natural for me as most of you might think, is even harder for me to come by, in these frigid winter months. When January rolls around I constantly feel like my light bulb of happiness is a little dimmer than it should be. I’m not certain if it is the absence of vitamin D, the lethargic nights when it gets dark early and there is nothing to do other than watch TV, the scarcity of colors outdoors, the letdown after all the festivities of the holidays or the fact that I know that it will be MONTHS before we will be able to go outside without bundling up. It’s most likely all of the above but no matter the reason, as soon as my New Year’s hang over is gone; I start to feel a little despondent. It is a funk that I just can’t seem to shake, year in and year out. I’m breaking that cycle and this year is going to be different for me. I’m challenging myself starting RIGHT NOW. I will not go down that rabbit hole again this year. So, how am I’m going to pull this off?

After perusing a few professional websites on what I should do to beat the blues, I now know that I should sit by a light box, take vitamin D supplements, keep a set sleep schedule, eat healthy – no caffeine or alcohol, and exercise. Oh GREAT! I’m sure all of these tips work but frankly those things sound more depressing to me than the arctic winter weather. So I’ve given this some thought and here is what I’m endorsing for myself for the remainder of this winter to make sure I don’t slip into my winter blahs. If you too experience the winter blues, please feel free to challenge yourself along with me and make the most of this winter.

Consider this Deanna’s 10 Dazzling Ideas to DEFEAT the Dreaded Down in the Dumps Depressing time of year (I know, too many D’s….deal with it.).

1. Get outside EVERYDAY -
No matter rain or shine, wind or snow, bundle up and let the cold crisp air enter your lungs, allow the red hue to shine on your cheeks and embrace the outdoors. Even if the couch and blankets are calling your name. Make sure it’s more than that quick trip you make to and from your car. Really embrace the elements.

“I know that our bodies were made to thrive only in pure air, and the scenes in which pure air is found.” – John Muir

2. Don’t isolate yourself -
This one is a big one for me, the part I love about the winter is that my inner homebody can come out. I love to just be home; with myself, my thoughts, my rules, just me! The warmer months seem to be filled with making plans, plans, plans. Which can be good but I fancy being home. I guess it’s a double edged sword because it’s one of the things I loathe about the winter too. After a while, being isolated can do a number on your psyche. This is an easy fix; get together with people once in a while! Plan a beat the winter blues party or just gather with neighbors, family or friends to have dinner, to play games or just watch a movie.

"Get action. Seize the moment. Man was never intended to become an oyster."
- Theodore Roosevelt

3. Dress to impress – Ditch the cozy clothes and make sure you dress up for the day. Maybe not like you’re attending a ball, but enough to feel good about yourself. With all the bundling we have to do in the winter season, I don’t know about you, but I go for COMFY and WARM, when I get dressed. Fashion tends to take a back seat. Since I don’t have to punch a clock, I can stay in my fleece PJs and ripped sweatshirt all day long. To some of you, this probably sounds like a dream come true but believe me it’s not. Dressing cozy and comfy all day everyday just makes me feel sloppy, lazy and unattractive. I think we all feel a little better when we spend a bit more attention on our appearance. I always wonder why I save my nice clothes for special occasions. No more. I’m breaking that habit and treating everyday special. So dress to impress, yourself that is, and try and stay off the peopleofwalmart.com website this season.

“Shoes transform your body language and attitude. They lift you physically, and emotionally.”
– Christian Louboutin

4. Keep on Inspiring the Positive - Surrounding yourself with positive people and thoughts is the best way to break out of your winter funk. For me creating this blog is one of the best motivations to stay positive. People who know me always snicker when they read my encouraging words and wonder where they come from. Let’s face it; it isn’t the person that they see most of the time. I’m not a pessimistic person but I can be cynical and my personality isn’t exactly sunshine and roses. So, what I’m saying is that I think one of the reasons I have chosen to write about positive experiences and aspects of life, is to spark the positive side of me that is within me but doesn’t make an appearance much. Think of it as my alter-ego. I can honestly say that I feel so inspired after I’ve been writing that there is no way to feel down in the dumps. Surround yourself with whomever or whatever brings out your optimistic side and get rid of the negative.

“An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can’t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you.”

5. Embrace the season - Believe me no one despises the winter chill more than I do. Just ask my husband how many times I bring up moving to a warmer location; during the winter months (it is at least once a day). Since the lottery hasn’t made me the owner of my own private island yet, I guess I just need to enjoy where I’m at right now. Suck it up buttercup (it’s what I tell my eight year old all the time)! One way to get over all the cold and snow is to just EMBRACE it and have fun with it. Go sledding, build a snowman, and make snow angels, learn how to ski or lace up the ice skates and dare to try your fate, on the ice. Bring out your inner child. You know the sparkle that you see in kids’ eyes when the snow is falling, get that sparkle back and have fun with it.

“When you stop doing things for fun you might as well be dead.” – Hemingway

6. Vitamin D – Ok so realistically who is going to sit by a light box? Not this girl. I know that all of us north of the Mason Dixon line are vitamin D deficient and that can lead to depression, especially in the winter months. So, when the sun is shining make sure you soak up as many rays as you can, take trip to the tanning bed (I know it’s not good for your skin but it does wonders for you well-being) or if you can pump your diet full of vitamin D foods like –egg yolks, tuna, salmon and cheese. I guess it can’t hurt trying, right?

“Keep your face always toward the sunshine and the shadows will fall behind you.”
– Walt Whitman

7. Exercise – Ok, so I guess it’s inevitable, we have to exercise. Not just only to keep our bodies happy but we need to exercise to keep our brains happy too. Studies have shown that even a 10 minute walk can boost your brain activity. I might hate this one the most, but in fact, when my ass is moving and my heart gets pumping I feel so much better about myself and it’s hard to have the blues. Turn up the music and dance around the house while you clean and EXERCISE.EXERCISE.EXERCISE.

“Physical Fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body it is the basis of creative and dynamic intellectual activity.” – JFK

8. Have something to look forward to - Doesn’t matter how big or small it is, keep something in your mind that makes you upbeat. With all the hype and buildup of the holiday season there is a large let down when January rolls around and there is zilch, on the calendar. If your calendar is blank, find something to put on it to build up the hype and keep you motivated to looking forward. Do those projects you’ve been putting off, indulge in a spa treatment, go to a sporting event or concert, go on a tryst to the movies, and continue a hobby you love or start a new one you’ve always wanted to try. When winter seems endless, you need to plan something exciting. Plan something that excites you and do more of what makes you happy.

“If you never did, you should. These things are fun and fun is good.” – Dr. Seuss

9. Get away and break out of your mold - Ideally you should plan a vacation to a tropical location. Nothing beats the winter blues better than feeling the sand in your toes and the sun on your face but if you can’t swing that, get away for a night. Book a hotel in your hometown with a pool or go to an indoor waterpark. Escaping the elements for a brief period of time can do wonders to your brain.

“We travel not to escape life, but for life to not escape us.” – Anonymous

10. Bring the color back into your life – Winter to me, seems so dark and dismal, so dull and ugly. Sure the snow can be beautiful and there are pretty moments throughout winter but overall it seems like the color has been sucked out of the world, plenty of monotonous greys and browns. So why not bring the color back? Stimulate your visual sense by redecorating a space in your house and changing your surroundings. Let’s face it, we spend more time inside this time of year, why not make it interesting? It doesn’t have to be a remodel just move some things around, freshen up the space. Pick up some colorful flowers, at the market and put them in a vase or buy a small item that has a pop of color. It will be more enjoyable to see blue instead of being blue. Experiencing the hues, on the inside, that are missing outside will sure brighten your day.

“She colors her thoughts with only the brightest hues.” – Kobi Yamada

So, there you have it. If you are in a huff, just because it’s winter, snap out of it and follow my ten steps to defeat the down in the dumps and LIVE YOUR LIFE. For those of you that know me, please keep me in check because I am not spirally into that dark place this winter. I’m grabbing the bull by the horns, jumping on his back and riding him into spring. Take that POLAR VORTEX! Just remember, I’m not an expert, these are my opinions and my experiences but I’d like to think I know EVERYTHING, so with that, I know I’m right, so you should listen to me!

Friday, January 3, 2014

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” – Unknown

Another calendar year has come to close, as many of us will do, I took some time to sit back and mull over my 2013; the good, the bad and the ugly. With each passing year, we are miraculously handed a FRESH start, a new beginning at Midnight on every January 1^st, to do whatever we want. We kiss a stranger or a loved one and then most of us will make resolutions that won’t last into February but it is what we are programmed to do, with our clean slate. We all aspire to eat healthier, exercise more often, look mind-blowing in our swim suits, spend less dinero, make more dough, manage our stress, discover our dream job, be a better person and give back and so on and so on. Let’s face it, every single one of us wants to be that impeccable person. I say fooey to that, who is perfect? Just be yourself, and with each passing year maybe you can be a little better version of yourself. What screws us up in life is the picture of the way it’s supposed to look. You are who you are for a reason don’t try and be flawless, it’s too much pressure and you will ALWAYS fail, even with your absolute best efforts. Now is the time to figure out how to get through another revolution around the sun, on the new path set out in front of us on January 1st. I’m not big on resolutions, they never seem to stick but I will say that I unconsciously try to be a little better person than I was the year before. I’m not sure I succeed at this, on all levels of my life, but I always seem to do something a little better than I did the year before. I say baby steps to becoming the person you have always wanted to be. What’s that joke, how do you eat an elephant?...one bite at a time (ba da bump). No one can do it all at once. We all have good intensions but it’s impossible to change everything all at the same time, so go easy on yourself and realize you have already come so far, your life is a long book and your ending isn’t written yet.

The 2013 chapter of my story was a rollercoaster of ups and downs, as most years tend to be. I like to think that 2013 was a year of pushing myself a smidge further than I really wanted to go and demonstrating to myself that it’s never too late to try unfamiliar things. So here goes….the good in 2013. I challenged myself to run a 5K, and not only did I complete a 5K, I can say I accomplished two of them, and neither of them were your standard 5K road race. Ok, so there were no land speed records for me but it was so far out of my wheel house and comfort zone, it scared the living shit out of me. 2013 was the year I told myself I could do it and PROVED myself right. I’m sure in 2014; I will again, scare myself to death and sign up for a few races and maybe even beat last year’s times? This past year was also the year I started writing and set off to start this blog. In the past, I had continually thought about writing but never really imagined I was any good at it. Jury’s still out on that, but with each passing year I worry less and less about what others think and have found that I love writing, so who cares if I’m any good at it? I vow to do more writing in the coming year, perchance getting better at it in 2014. I feel like I stepped out of my comfort zone in 2013, I conquered a hip hop dance class, frolicked in a volleyball league and had a blast engaging in a recreation softball league with some of my new best mates. I exhibited a love hate relationship with the some of the new ideas that weren’t really my cup of tea but I wouldn’t change them for the world. I enjoyed setting the standard for my daughter, establishing the idea that it is never too late to try new things. I deduce from the year, that it was a good lesson for me too. Now and again we get so stuck in our ways we don’t go out and try anything new. I hope that zest for the unknown that accelerated in 2013 endures for years to come.
In 2013, I can say I connected with and made some new friends; you know the ones that just really get you and you can completely be yourself with. I am happy to say that indubitably we will stay connected, no matter what direction our lives go in. I really look forward to this New Year with friends by my side, making me a better person than I was the year before. I’m so fortunate to have a better half who fancies making me happy. As I’ve expressed in other writing, I am infatuated with visiting new places. My husband made me so blissfully happy by taking the family on more than a few jaunts over the year. I’m sure he appreciated them too but deep down I know he does it for me. As a family, this past year we snorkeled a vivid coral reef and took a catamaran ride though Paradise Island, in the Bahamas, climbed a waterfall and experienced riding horses in the teal blue waters of Jamaica, sipped fruity drinks in Margaritaville on the island of Grand Turk (oh how I wish I was there now), caught some waves boogie boarding and enjoyed chasing crabs on the beaches of the Outer banks, watched groups of dolphins swimming the shoreline right along Virginia Beach and we even slipped back in time, way back, while visiting Colonial Williamsburg. I love new adventures. Traveling, seeing and doing new things is something I will never get enough of and with any luck that will continue into 2014 and beyond. I was blessed to have shared these experiences, etching them into my memory forever, with my family and friends.
During the summer of 2013, my daughter and I devoted the summer to paying it forward, with our 77 days of acts of kindness. What an escapade it was, the things I learned from and hopefully taught my daughter, during that undertaking were spectacular. I’m thrilled to have done something so very encouraging. It’s something I have always wanted to do and my hope is that the kindness we showed, my daughter will carry with her forever. I look forward to doing more charitable acts in 2014, possibly even bigger and better. In 2013, I was able to use my creativity to refresh the surrounding in our home, by repurposing materials no one wanted, my favorites being the wood pallets I attached to our living room wall and the driftwood I framed the bathroom mirror with. I was involved in many DIY projects that I thoroughly enjoyed and have always wanted to do. Now the surrounding of our home matches my personality and I love looking at my ideas every day. 2013 was a much more creative year than the past and I’m sure I will one up myself again in the coming year, one bite at a time, remember? I just wish I had a bigger house for all of the ideas, in my head.

With all those highs on the rollercoaster ride of 2013, there of course were various dips too. The bad, unfortunately 2013 will eternally be remembered by me as, the year I lost my grandmother, a woman that I was devoted to throughout my years. It would be crazy to say that, that event did not change me, because it has. My grandmother’s passing was a blessing, because of the peaceful way she went, as much as a tragedy for me, if you will, an end of an era for my family. I am blessed and indebted that I had NO regrets or unsaid words with her and I will always revere the time we spent together. It is still hard for me to believe I am entering a new year without her. With all the upbeat happenings I remember from the year, I would say the two occurrences I learned the most from were the most devastating and will forever change me ; the passing of a prominent woman in my life and a bad experience that felt as if it divided my community. You guessed it, the ugly for me was when my community, the one I have always considered my home, was divided this year on the idea of a merger of school districts. Unfortunately I ended up on the losing side of that battle, and believe me it was a battle, I felt bloody and battered at the end of it and the emotional scars are still there. I guess that is just how the world works, we learn and change as much from the undesirable things as we do from all the good, and we probably learn more in the process, to carry with us to the next year.

I caught sight of this quote the other day from an unknown and it really got me thinking. “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” Following some reflection, I have come to conclusion that with every year that elapses I seem to learn more and more, have MORE to be grateful for and know that what I have now, 20, 10 or even 5 years ago, I could have never even imagined. I do feel that I am genuinely one of the luckiest people alive. I have the best husband on earth, a beautiful healthy daughter, a roof over my head and food on the table, what more could I ask for? Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t run around every day feeling this way, my family can attest to this. I am human and for some reason it’s easier to dwell on what we DON’T have as opposed to what we have. Like I said, when I focused on what I do indeed have it really makes me feel like a schmuck, when I want more. It’s a new year and with that comes new dreams, goals, and hopes and of course WANTS. That hope for change or more is what gets me up in the morning, that doesn’t mean I love what I have any less. I hope in my journeys in 2014, while I want more, I ALWAYS remember not to spoil what I have NOW, just for the sake of having more. That I want more for the right reasons. I guess there is a fine line between being happy with what you have and understanding why you want more. I think I will always want more, not necessarily more monetary things, JUST MORE, because it is my way of making myself a little better every year, so if that makes me a schmuck, so be it. I’m sure I will be a schmuck again in 2014.

2014, what is in store for me? In 2014, it is my hope that I always focus on the fact that I have an amazing daughter and husband, cherish all the good they bring to my life instead of dwelling on the fact that they drive me batty every once in a while. I want to cherish my relationships, deepening the old ones and forming new ones. I will choose to make more time for ME, continue to learn, change what needs to be changed and try to continue my journey toward making my dreams come true, the ones I right now am only hoping for. Always remembering what I have in front of me right now is amazing, never losing sight of how good I have it. Most importantly, I would like to make sure I laugh every day. Oh and if there is a genie in a bottle somewhere out there ready to grant me my three wishes; I would like to look amazing in my swimsuit, find my dream job and hope it pays boat loads of money or winning the lottery would work too. What!!? I didn’t say I was perfect. This coming year is yours, what will you do with it?

Sunday, December 1, 2013

“Creativity involves breaking out established patterns in order to look at things in a different way.” - Edward de Bono

I spent the better part of my fall redecorating and remodeling our living room all because one day my husband came to me and said I have idea, “let’s rip out the carpet in the living room and get rid of the entertainment center.” No words could have been more brilliantly spoken than his words that day; he might as well have said the most romantic words ever declared. I had to wipe the wax from my ears to make sure I heard him correctly. Funny thing is it’s not that he doesn’t like change or even enjoy nice things; it’s just that I am primarily the one with the ideas and decorating is low on his priority list. This is one of places we differ, my brain never stops, I have ideas about everything, and sometimes my ideas even have ideas. All my thoughts and ideas had been convening in my head almost every day for months on end, thinking of what we could do to the living room space, on a shoestring budget. So as soon as he mentioned this I’m sure he wanted to shove the words back in his mouth, because all of my ideas poured out, at that very moment. “If we pull up the carpet…we should paint the walls…if we paint the walls we need to paint the ceiling…we should put in hardwood floors….we could use new blinds and curtains and a new chair…we will need something to put a new TV on….I would like to paint the end tables and coffee table…the pictures need to come down and instead of fixing all the holes in that wall, why don’t we put pallets up there?” I’m sure I had diarrhea of the mouth but I was just so excited. His response *with a skeptical sideways look* was something like “pallets, really?” He handled himself pretty well considering I told him I wanted to put shoddy wood from pallets, in our home. He allowed me to proceed with my lot of outlandish thoughts because he is the most accommodating person I know and trusts me to no end. Most people would call on the professionals to paint, put in the floors and do most of the heavy lifting, not us. We will be eternally those people who are crazy enough to think we can do it all on our own, with no real experience, the right tools or even a proper work space. Some say naïve or even foolish. I say ambitious and creative.

As soon as I had the go ahead, I was off, spending the majority of my computer time on Pinterest, a visual wonderland in my mind, I just can’t get enough of it. I pinned and pinned all sorts of ideas, shopped days upon days in thrift stops, another one of my beloved activities. I filled my minivan with used broken down and ugly furniture, shopped for fabrics, made copious amounts of trips to Lowe’s and even made a few minivan trips with loads of pallets. As much as I hated the idea of driving a minivan, boy can you get a boat load of stuff in one, it might even be better than a truck. My creative juices were flowing now.

Edward de Bono was quoted saying “Creativity involves breaking out established patterns in order to look at things in a different way.” I would say that picking up the free chair, in the rain, on the side of the road, buying a dirty old used 1970’s dresser from a thrift store for a TV stand, making a piece of driftwood into a coat rack and nailing pallets to your wall, QUALIFIIES. I would love to say that all the concepts where uniquely my own but I took all the visual ideas I found, changed them around to fit my needs and made them my own. So many ventures, I was in heaven. Being creative is what keeps me going, I love to think outside of the box and do things most people think is foolish. I am unconventional in most of my thoughts and actions. Boring is NOT an option. I love to do things that people doubt and think aren’t what you are supposed to do. I delight in doing things that scare me or even make me think no one has ever done. In order to do this you must be willing to make mistakes. Creativity is about taking risks, inventing, experimenting, growing, breaking rules, making mistakes and having fun. It’s not how you feel about the vision you accomplish, it’s about how you feel about yourself for doing it. The words proud, triumphed, imaginative and resourceful are the words I feel about yours truly and this task.
Virtually everyone I spoke with while positioning pallets on my living room walls was skeptical, I got raised eye brows, laughed at and even the occasional “are you crazy?” Under no circumstance there came a time when I imagined my ideas failing. In my life, it seems, whenever someone has told me that I couldn’t do something it made me want to do it even more. I seem to thrive on doubt. I have always felt like a Fruit Loop in a world of Cheerios, in most aspects of my life. I love to prove people wrong and in this situation I think I have shown the neigh Sayers that it’s ok to think outside of the box. I think our living room looks amazing, I absolutely love it. I have a sense of accomplishment accompanied with being able to be different, imaginative, economical, and resourceful, and it feels great. I feel alive when I can be creative and atypical, it is what makes me happiest. I feel creativity is a form of communication. Our living room, is now a reflection of who we are and how we feel, it tells a story of us. We spend a lot of time in our homes, they should be a space in which you love being, can’t wait to get back to and ultimately makes you smile. If you fill your home with things that you love, regardless of the era or price, your home will reveal the true meaning of who you are. Break out of the established patterns that our society have created and do something that scares you. Look at objects and repurpose them into something you never thought of before. I hope it makes you as happy as it does me to create something beautiful, give something a new life, even if no one else ever sees it. Every one of us has creativity, go out and find it within you and cultivate your creativity NOW!
Here are some of the pictures from this project -

Dresser that I bought for $50 at a thrift store